I think that they do this as a form of a boundary. One that they impose on themselves.
I guess that makes sense. Another 'self-imposed' boundary that my wife created is that, for a while, she wouldn't enter our home without knocking on the door first. When she moved out I never asked her to return her house key, and she can come and go as she pleases. I respect her personal space (her apartment), but have not tried to enforce her 'knock on the door' boundary when she comes over. She knows very clearly where is her real home. I will never enforce that boundary because of something my son said when she moved out. She had wanted to take both kids with her, and our son refused to go with her. (I guess I've said this a few times on here.)
When she asked him why, he told her: 1) He told her what shed is doing with her EA partner is wrong; 2) He didn't want to leave me alone; and 3) He asked her how she would feel if I ever tried to keep the two kids away from her and move away. I don't ever want to give my son the message that I don't want his own mom can't back to her own home by telling her that she has to return the house key or require her to knock every time she comes over. She is his home, not a visitor.
In any case, for the last couple of weeks she has stopped knocking on the door when she comes home, and simply comes inside the house. I wonder if this small change in her behavior(along with the seeming change in the bedroom boundary) could have anything to do with the accident with the little girl a couple of weeks ago? In an earlier message Lance suggested that this tragedy with the little girl might be the seed that leads to her awakening, so to speak. Who knows...
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That is why it is so much better that you do not snoop or bring up the OP. It is something that she needs to deal with and the more you know the more she will feel like she cannot return home.
That sounds pretty reasonable as well. I remember reading something similar on someone else's thread. Someone posted a message along the lines of it being easier for the MLC spouse to return home because the LBS spouse did not expose or snoop, etc...something like that...
