Okay I'm gonna say it...sorry...Your H - he is a piece of chit.
Okay...he is sick..in MLC...blah..blah...blah...does any of this change what YOU need to do for your emotional well being? NO.
Your H is a latin man - this much I know. He wants to control you and plant fear in your heart. He want's you right where he has you. Scared...
Your scared and he knows it.
What are you going to do now? Run? Hide? Or fight back. Fight to regain your self esteem. Fight to regain your womanhood. Fight to regain and take control over YOUR life.
Now, I am not proposing that you become a total beatch to your H. No. A few simple rules should be implemented immediately.
1) When he comes to see the kids. You should leave the house or at a minimum move to another room.
2) If he wants to discuss anything that you do not want to discuss (an N R talk) then a simple "I do not wish to speak about this right now" should suffice. If he continues, walk away from him. Do not egage. He is going to act like a little teenager right now. Fu*k him - not your problem.
3) Rest...take it easy...You are pregnant and need to keep the stress levels down.
4) In terms of finances. Figure out what you will need a month to take care of you and the kids. Factor everything in...cloths, food, formula (if applicable), rent/mthg, electricity, heating, etc. Write it down - so that you understand just how much you need. It may be scary. Don't be afraid. Once you begin to write this stuff down you will feel like you have more control over your life.
5) Stop looking at his fu*king phone. Don't hold it. Don't touch it. Just stop.
6) Every morning...try and sit still for a while. Pray, do something that will give you peace.
7) Come up with a schedule on when YOU want him to see the kids. It should be a schedule that works for YOU - not him. I am not saying be a b*tch...what I am saying is that he needs to understand that he has rules to follow as it comes to you.
8) Stop thinking about the OW. She is not the problem. He is. He is fu*ked up in the head right now. You need to remind yourself of this. Remind yourself of this often.
9) You have been accused of being a b*tch by your H. Maybe there is some truth to this - maybe not. Can you tell me if he is correct?
10) If he comes over for dinner - I would not serve him chit. Nothing. You can leave the food on the stove and he can serve himself.
11) Begin to work on your resume. Begin to think about where you want to live. What makes sense for you and the kids. He should not factor into the equation.
2G - this chit is hard and you have been at it for 2 years. My advice to you is to stop trying to fix your M, stop worrying about him and his feelings, and really start looking at yourself.
In most of your post I see you complain about your H. What are you doing to be that person that you want to be. The one that your H would not even want to leave. A person that can stand on thier own and be the woman they wanted to be.
This self reflection is hard and I see that you may not be doing the work on yourself. I understand that right now you are so focused on him and his chit - stop it. Time to focus on YOU and I mean really focus on YOU.
You can do this girl! Everyone on these boards can tell you the same thing - YOu though are the one that must believe it. Not me, not anyone...only you.
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
