Need some encouragement

[kissak]

I feel like IM just waiting for HIM to take the next step. I feel that when things get to the point where they are at now, there is nothing I can do to make it any better except be the loving sweet person I am. I still did things for him this weekend. Im still being nice to him. I just dont have it in me to be mean. THats just not me. I know where its going...he will leave again. BUT the question I keep asking myself is should I end it. Just let him know that I dont want to, but that I cant live with him like that. He is making my life miserable. I feel like its over and i wouldnt take him back until he got his life right. That may be never. Im ready to find happiness. I cant do that with him. He will never be open and honest with me about anything.

I feel like I have done all I can do.

I guess Im just waiting on him. I believe he has therapy this afternoon. Im interested in seeing is mood after that or even if he will talk to me about it.

Last night was weird. He wanted me to come to bed and not do anything else. I felt like he wanted to have sex. Im sorry but I just cant do that when my H acts like kissing me is painful. But when I went to bed, he rolled away from me. I felt like he wanted me to start something, but I just dont want to be intimate with him. Especially not knowing for sure if he has been with this OW he took flowers too.