I think going through your L is the smartest way. That way your L is aware and your ex is also aware of the L being kept up to speed. Sad it has to be that way but it will help keep you sane.

As for your 1st dilemma...if he really wants the kids in his life he needs to show it. Guilting them into something is just more of the same mind games. Good for you on letting this be between the kids and him. They need you as a sounding board.

Happy for you, Josh and your family.

kat

Me-53(and learning!)
S24, S21, D18, D17
Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory