On two ends of the world..

[KellBell0820]

No real insight here on where to put your focus. It's great that you're improving on detachment and have fun these next two weekends!

[ris]

I have a dilemma here regarding my trips. It always drives me nuts to find out some more important news from H's FB not from him directly. It upsets me when he does it and even though many times I wanted to give him the taste of his own medicine, I don't want to do that. I think that' it's unfair of one person in M to do that to the other one and I don't want to set the bad example.

So how do I let him know about my planned trips when we're not talking?

[Coach]

So how do I let him know about my planned trips when we're not talking?

via FB.

If he doesn't want to talk then don't talk. You don't fight a emotional battle with logic (what's fair in your mind).

FB can create some great healthy mystery.

[ris]

Hmm ok.

You don't fight a emotional battle with logic (what's fair in your mind).

So it's a bit like trying to logically explain to a WAS that reasons for their leaving don't make sense while the only thing they listen to is their emotions?

I thought of sending him an email just informing him of my plans, and saying that I'm letting him know about it because I don't like finding out such things from an external source myself, but I see what you're saying. He definitely wouldn't look at it the same way I do.

[ris]

So I wrote about my trip on my FB. I was really looking forward to it when I put that status up but now I feel like a deflated balloon. I'm not really so excited about it. It just feels like putting on a fake smile.

Anyone experienced that? That GALing doesn't make you happy, just kinda empty?

[hurtinhartford]

ris,

Since my W will not talk with me I have put all of the things I am doing on Fb. I went rock climbing during Labor Day and put pictures on my wall. She has access to it...if she is looking. Other than that the emails that I do send her have all been pleasant and non-confrontational...pretty difficult beginning the 10th week of her NC.

[pinhead]

So I wrote about my trip on my FB. I was really looking forward to it when I put that status up but now I feel like a deflated balloon. I'm not really so excited about it. It just feels like putting on a fake smile.

Anyone experienced that? That GALing doesn't make you happy, just kinda empty?

GAL is for you. If it helps DB your marriage, it's icing on the cake. Detaching will help you feel better about your activities; it'll also help you choose activities that will be more rewarding.

[ris]

GAL is for you. If it helps DB your marriage, it's icing on the cake. Detaching will help you feel better about your activities; it'll also help you choose activities that will be more rewarding.

I know it's for me, but it doesn't make me happy. Maybe I'm just difficult today :P

Maybe it is the detachment that is causing the problem (or the lack of it, rather). But it's a process, you can't really speed it up, can you?

[MakingProgress]

GAL is for you. If it helps DB your marriage, it's icing on the cake. Detaching will help you feel better about your activities; it'll also help you choose activities that will be more rewarding.

I know it's for me, but it doesn't make me happy. Maybe I'm just difficult today :P

Maybe it is the detachment that is causing the problem (or the lack of it, rather). But it's a process, you can't really speed it up, can you?

You know the expression, "Fake it till you make it?" I had the same difficulty, too. Everything I did reminded me of things I did with my wife and how I would much rather be doing them with her.

Just keep doing it. It does get better. Now, I look forward to Galing, and the painful memories are becoming less painful and less frequent.

I don't know that you reach "happy" so quickly, though. You find "fun," "contentment," and "distraction" long before that.

[KellBell0820]

Anyone experienced that? That GALing doesn't make you happy, just kinda empty?

My GAL'ing doesn't really make me "happy" so to speak either. I think I'm more using it as a distraction. I like going out with my friends, working out, all that, but right now it feels more like I'm just doing it to be doing something, ya know?

As for FB, well H flat out deleted me from his and I decided we weren't going to play the add me/delete me game, so I'm still not on his friends list. I sometimes make my profile picture something from my GAL'ing, like taking D to the fair the other day. He can access those, I just don't know if he does or not. I also still have all of OUR friends on my FB, those are people that he works with everyday. Other than that, the only way I can let him know something is if he calls.