9 Years since 9-11 and my whole world collapsing at the same time as my ex ran off with maggot and my family as I knew it dissolved. I remember him telling me then "the kids will bounce back" and I knew he was wrong and told him so. The kids coped, as I did, but we felt abandoned, kicked in the stomache and coped the best we could. With counselling and a huge effort on my part to act as both Mom & Dad - we remained a family, albeit with a huge hole in the middle for a LONG time.
Fast forward 9 years. I've been divorced for 5 years and in a committed relationship for a bit longer. Chuck married maggot. The kids see him occasionally. They have not met maggot, were not invited to the wedding (or even told about it - read it in the newspaper). There has been much anger towards their dad and moreso - lack of understanding about the whole thing. Maggot has been cruel, immature and even "taunting" throughout.
1st dilemma: Brandon (28) told me last night that Chuck has been pressuring him to forgive and forget and make peace with him and maggot. He wants he and sister Ashley (22) to visit his home and have Christmas dinner etc. The kids have made it quite clear that this is never going to happen. (I have stayed out of this and encourage them to make up their own minds). They tell him that they would not even consider having maggot at their weddings some day but that they would want him there. He is starting to guild them, telling him he is rewriting his will, that he won't live much longer (he is only 57 & in good health) and that it is his "dying wish". He also goes on about how they will have to deal with maggot at his funeral, as it is her who would call them etc (which makes me wonder if there REALLY is something going on with him - like does he have cancer but I think its just more drama).
Brandon is torn. Says if that is his father's only dying wish - how can he not yet it goes against every grain of his fiber and he does not want to accept this woman. He is angry (still) and depressed. I told him it might be time to go back for some counselling and maybe Ashley should go with him.
I suggested that maybe he talk to his father about spending more time with him and his sister and that he might consider taking them on a vacation. I have suggested this for the past 9 years but he has not done it. He says "not without maggot" and the kids would not go along with that. But maybe they all need to work on THEIR relationship not one with maggot who they despise.
OK, ideas would be helpful. I will write a second post about the 2nd dilemma.
