cas05 - all sounding VERY positive on your end!! So happy and rooting for you! Things happen so gradually, but at least they are happening!!Each little gradual step gives you a little more patience hey? Keep us posted
He wished you an enjoyable time at your conference because he has genuine care and fondness for you. IMO, your H is at a point where he wants no harm or bad to come to you, he wants you well.
He can express it because he is freely thinking it. It's his lead, he's not being forced and it was comfortable to say.
OH, this is a good thing!!
Very exciting, let's maintain calm though, patience and time and that ever present "no expectations" are still on the menu.
I think his comfort level is a huge hint and key to your sitch.
Have a great week (((Cas)))! I already know you will
Sanderika
ME48/H48MLC T 33y M 28y S16 OW 8/7/05 Bomb 8/16/05 Sep 9/05 H f'd D 10/3/08 D pp'd 1/20/09,7/24/09,12/4/09 D dismissed 2/5/10 H served me D papers again 9/4/10 D dismissed 9/26/11
Pie, you're right...this is very, very slow. Gradually I am learning to accept that there is nothing I can do to speed things up.
Sanderika, hi! Hope you are ok. I've been thinking of you. How is your son enjoying high school?
When I was at the conference H came here with D and fixed some lights I'd had trouble with so that was a nice surprise.
Tonight he called in to have me sign a paper for S. He brought his laptop to show me his photos from his trip last weekend. He also brought over two 50% discount vouchers for a local restaurant; one for me and one for my Dad. He says his hotel membership renewal is due soon and wants to know if I want to share the costs for the next year and we can share the benefits.
H went on his trip with a bunch of male friends who all share the same hobby. I know none of them so it was interesting to see these guys.
Lance, this is just another example of the way he is slowly opening up and sharing with me the stuff that is going on in his life. For three years it's all been top secret. He's answered my questions but usually with limited information and often quite evasive....like, "I don't know what I'm doing" or "I'll see what happens" or "I'm so busy/haven't got time". (favourite theme in the past)
So now H does have time and he's busier than he's been in a couple of years. He gave D and I a full account of his weekend. He's also told about a recent job offer and the general day to day stuff that has been closed to me for a long time.
Lance, funny thing is that H has shown me the photos from his weekend away and I was away on a girl's weekend the week before but I didn't even think to share my photos with him!
H and I both have FB. Should I wait til he adds me on his page or should I add H? It can't be too top secret cos S is a friend on there.
All is still sounding very positive for you and H.
I have found that when they are willing to share with you, you are forefront in their mind and the OW has taken the back seat position (if the OW is still in the picture that is).
In my case, this was a common occurrence. If my H disappeared, sort to speak, he would only go about 3 weeks tops and then I could count on H coming around again. It's funny, it lasted the entire 5 years even when he filed for divorce the first time in 2008. Another thing, each time H came back around he was more open and sharing and more comfortable with me and the home. The changes in H were obvious which makes this all the harder to understand.
Your H has played things quite different from mine. I think you are in a better position for a return because for the most part he did leave in body, mind and spirit....and mine did not.
I would wait on the FB issue. Don't be too quick to rush him. You have received so many invites to date, I think that one is coming as well.
Thanks for asking about me, I am not doing well. I have gone into a depression and should seek out some med help. I am still very tearful, having trouble thinking and getting things done. I have yet to see the papers as filed with the County. If H has sent them in, I should have gotten a docket and initial appearance date in the mail by now. I have had no contact with H since 9/2/10. I have made contact with my lawyer and she is willing to take my case on again. I have to put some paperwork together for her meeting. It's all financial stuff, I don't want to do it.
On a good note, my son is doing great so far at high school. He likes it and it is good for my heart to see, he's a good boy.
Cas, I am sooo sad.
Sanderika
ME48/H48MLC T 33y M 28y S16 OW 8/7/05 Bomb 8/16/05 Sep 9/05 H f'd D 10/3/08 D pp'd 1/20/09,7/24/09,12/4/09 D dismissed 2/5/10 H served me D papers again 9/4/10 D dismissed 9/26/11
Last night H came back from seeing S and told me his parents will be coming to stay at his place for a holiday and gave me the dates. I love MIL and FIL and can't wait for them to visit. They were here about a year ago. I was invited to a couple of family meals but ow was a part of other occasions with MIL and FIL (much to their dismay!) It will be interesting to see what happens this time.
Tonight I got a call from H to say his car was still being fixed and asked if he could borrow mine to take D to swimming in the morning. Previously he would have just told me he couldn't do the swimming run. I also notice that he is asking favours of me occasionally now, too.
(((((Sanderika))))) Thanks for your advice re FB. Interestingly, after I posted I realised I knew the answer to my question but it was too late to edit. Anyway, your response confirmed my thoughts. I'm not sure what's happening with ow. She's still around, I believe.
Sanderika, you really need to get some help for your depression. Have some counselling. Buy yourself some nice candles and a meditation CD. Make sure you're exercising and give some time for you.....massage, coffee and cake, time with a good book, start a course. Take time for you...you're worth it and so is your son!
Baby steps....I drove H to get his car this morning. He said, " Have a good day."
It was our weekly dinner tonight...shoes were off again, offered to help with dinner, got wines for us, took dishes over. Made conversation and told me 'stuff' from the news as well as family news. His b and sil will be here next week. I think he said, if you want to catch up with them but I couldn't quite hear. Last time they were here he had them for dinner but only invited the kids. then another time he took ow to lunch with them. Not sure I would get included because they might ask questions that H wouldn't be able to answer. Asked after my mother's health.
Offered to go to the hardware to get light switch covers and then fix them. Then suggested I make a list of all the jobs I need doing and he would work through the list. Wow!
After dinner helped D with study but she was tired so he's coming back in the morning to study with her before school.
These are all little things but I can sense that he is becoming more consistent.
H came here to help D with study at 5am as promised! We've been messaging via skype most nights. I very bravely say that I am happy that we can now chat this way. He replies, "Me too." His last email wishes me a happy weekend and the other day he asked how my day at work went. That was a first in a long time. So things continue on slowly, slowly. However.........
A few weeks ago H told D and I about the possibility of him having a short term boarder. No more was said. Last night he tells me boarder is arriving in a few minutes. D didn't know either. Technically it's not our business....
BIL and SIL are here. No mention from H of D and/or I catching up with them and I will not ask. Not really a big deal.
I receive an email asking to change our regular dinner night but with no reason given. Automatically, I feel myself get annoyed. Automatically, I think D and I are being dumped for ow. I know there could be lots of other feasible explanations. I just wish he would be more transparent to help me learn to trust. I wonder how entrenched ow is. She doesn't seem to be at all. Do I dare ask? Do I tell him I need him to be more transparent to help me trust? Is it just my problem? Without some kind of explanation I feel like a restaurant...just calling to change the booking but I'm still pleased he wants to come.
I'm not sitting too comfortably atm as I know I care too much about what he's up to. No contact allowed me to get on with my life irrespective of what he was up to. I think we've moved too far for the detachment of NC but not quite far enough. Frustrated!!
