The question repeatedly asked of me is, "What if he doesn't make it through these stages? What if he only goes as far as anger, or depression, or withdrawal?" The answer to that question is tragically simple. If a man does not progress through the stages, but for one reason or another stops along the way, then he will probably experience a prolonged period of trauma. He will likely experience recurring cycles of midlife crisis during the next fifteen to twenty years.
As he comes to retirement, he will then be struggling with two stressful developmental stages at the same time---midlife and retirement. At that point he will verbally kick himself---"Why didn't I think about making changes back in midlife, instead of blindly doing the same dumb things for the alst twenty years?"
If he fails to resolve his midlife crisis, then his third settling-down stage following his midlife crisis, which should have been marked by a great deal of peace, will instead be marked by unsettledness and continual anguish. He is similar to the person who never quite makes it through the adolescent transition into young adulthood. That person forever tries to be a teenager. The man who doesn't make it successfully through his midlife crisis will forever try to be a young adult.
A few men whom I have counseled have deeply concerned me, because I was afraid they would not make it completely through all of the stages. Thus far, however, I have only seen a few who have not made it all the way. In later years these men have become angrey that they did not use the midlife crisis time to improve their lives. But the good news is that successful men who make it all the way are more focused, highly motivated, and have a long season of peace and productivity.
