sounds good and normal for your current situation... at least H is a cheerleader for his kids...mine dropped off the face of the earth (maybe he really was abducted by aliens and really was off of the face of the earth!)...believe me that was so much harder... like you I was a 2nd hand person too...I also started dreaming of getting a flashy convertable or some other new car for myself...I dreamt of tropical vacations...things I had never done before...even getting a pedicure and manicure...which btw, is something I still allow myself now and then just because it makes me feel good! Pedicures are about $15 but they make you feel like a million bucks! So enjoy...take care...and prepare for the week ahead (I know I am...feeling a cold coming on, the curse of a school bus driver is you get what all the little kids carry on the bus!)
Ok - Sunday night. Tired - but in a good way. Still have plenty of work to do. Took S and his gf to dinner tonight. H texted S and said "so what did you do today" - S responds "nothing" - H sends back "give me more than nothing" - S doesn't respond.
I am reading Gary Chapman's Love as a Way of Life - it's interesting from this perspective of a standing LBS. Am I showing love to H by standing / by taking care of his home and children / by not dating around, etc? Am I showing love by being dark - by giving him his space? I don't know and am not sure I should even be thinking about it.
My goal this week is to start the c25k / continue working around the house / stay on top of work. September 21st is my 25th - trying to strengthen myself before then - I know it will be a hard day.
Hope everyone has a good week!
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
I don't know and am not sure I should even be thinking about it.
No you should not be thinking about it.
IB - your doing well - stop thinking about everything. Ya know sometime we have a tendency to over-think things.
Sit back...be still...do the pedi and nail thing. Enjoy your life a little bit. Slow down on the pulling of weeds and if ya can't do that then let me know and I'll send you my address - i have a forest growing around my house LOL.
Seriously - have a good week and keep us posted. Your not alone.
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Hi everyone, IB it sounds like you are doing really well. I have kept up with your thread. And also have posted on it as well. I've been going through this for over 22 months. I wish I would have found the book and this site a lot sooner than I did, because I did all of the wrong things from the very beginning.
If no one minds I would like to post my update here and see what advice I can get from everyone here. Hope no one minds. I haven't been getting much feedback at all on my thread and all of you that talk on this one have such great advice even though I've been at this a lot longer, except for Lin. Lin, just want to say congrats and that I hope one day I will also be reconciled. I also found the rejoice marriage ministries site from this site too, so I'm a stander.
Ok, here goes.
Update: On Thursday I was going down the road and noticed this church sign that said "There is Hope" "There is Jesus", I felt like it was a sign that I have been praying for, and have found myself going down that road now, not just on Thursdays and Fridays when I have my second job, but going out of my way around 3 minutes to get home to see the sign. Well, on Friday I thought I would die. I'm heading down the road the one way towards my second job and H is heading up the road in the opposite direction. Don't know if it was a sign from God or not now because he needs to go down that road to get to his new place. I looked a little to the side and saw his uniform shirt and that's how I knew it was him. I shook with so much happiness thinking there is my sign, but the more I thought about it I got confused. That is the way for him to go home, and I have to admit before that sign was put up I was going that way hoping that I would see him for a little while but then our D13 told me that he goes to his sister's after work every day so I stopped going that way, only when I have to get to my second job.
Sunday our D13 came home from her visit early because she said H was just laying around and seemed really sad and asked him what was wrong and he just said nothing. So she made up a story that she had to babysit so she had to come home early.
H had his mother and sister and sister's family over his house and H told them that he went to the Dr. and the Dr. said he needs to go to counseling. And he told them (the family) that he told the Dr. he has his family and doesn't need counseling and the mother and sister agreed! The sister said that all counselors are looking for is money!
On the way to his apartment on Sat. he told our D13 that he went to the Dr. and he had to get meds. for his stomach, heart, and something else but didn't tell her what it was for and that he was acting really sad. And that it cost him $150 for all 3 meds so he couldn't give her the money for me for her soccer.
Well, our D13 goes into his cabinet and happens to see the pills and I swore months ago I wouldn't go online and check to see if he was taking any meds at all but I did this morning. He lied again, which I don't know why. He is always complaining he is broke but bought a brand new washer and dryer and he knows that our oven is broken, and he only owes me $40 for the soccer and he is the one that keeps bringing it up to her, that he will give it to her the following week. Then lies about how much his pills were. I went online and he his not taking any pills for his heart. He is taking 2 different ones for his stomach and one for depression, of course he won't admit to her about the depression one because that would prove I've been right the whole time. Oh, and he changed Dr's. again. Why lie and tell our D13 it was for his heart?? It scared her, just like when he told her he had high blood pressure, and me like a fool texted him and told him to please take his meds for it and to take care of himself and listen to what the Dr. says because I know him all too well and he never listens to Drs. And if he needed anything to let me know. He responded but that is before he told our D13 in the middle of May that if I texted him he would read it but not respond. So I don't know if he said about his heart to see if I still cared cause he knows she will tell me like I did when I was worried about his high blood pressure and contact him or what to think. But why lie about the cost? All 3 of them came to $70 not $150!!!
I'm so confused......please give me your thoughts and or advice.
Thanks all for taking the time to post. Goodfight - are you kidding is right / Cadet always tells newbies to believe nothing that they say and 50% of what they do. It sounds as if you need to keep detaching. As hard as it is for me to be away from the man I have loved forever - being around him now is too painful and is really not reflective of who he truly is. I keep re-reading Hearts Blessings stages of MLC. I have just checked out all together. He is responsible for his relationship with the kids. We are not co-parenting. He has reduced his contact with the kids to some texting - it's just not him.
I hope we all can keep moving forward - we deserve to be happy!
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
Have you checked out on yourself? I have not seen any digging from you lately IB.
Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
No, I promise I haven't checked out on myself. In fact, I think it's quite the opposite. I am becoming a little more comfortable with where I am right now. I had an IC session today and I told her that I believe the only chance I have of having any hope for my M is if I completely detach. I have to be confident enough in myself to give him the room he needs. I told her about my plans to take my kids away this weekend - honor the good times we have had. And there were plenty - this 6'4" man pulling his daughters hair into perfect ballet buns or getting on the floor and playing "pretty, pretty princess" with them - letting them put the jewelry on him. This is the man who existed and whom I loved. I spent a lot of time over the last couple of days re-reading the sermons and stages of MLC, etc. I realized that overall - I am OK. I need to keep working on my self esteem and being more disciplined financially and physically - but I AM working on it. Hearts Blessing posted a story about the LBS being the Lighthouse. Maintaining a calm and stable home - that's what my mission is every day. In order to do that though I have to be calm and stable - and I am getting there. That's my digging for today:) Thanks for caring enough to ask!
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
