Then don't. He was pushing for a disillusionment - he had an attorney already and was copying him on the email. I really felt that if I didn't go this this route, the quickie "lets agree to disagree" type of D would happen and before I knew I'd have no chance. He is doing everything he can to make sure to pay as little as he possibly can in all of this. I really felt I needed to go this route to protect myself and my S financial well being. I know him, I know how he thinks and he twists and manipulates to not have to pay what he should (he did it to his ex and) she had nearly had to file bankruptcy, then he came to her rescue and looked like a hero. But he's been sticking it to her for years.
What do you risk?
Your pride?
Your dignity?
Your self respect?
Those are things for you to find in yourself not in response to your H.
It's funny you say that because one of my issues was that I was so independent that I never defined myself by anyone but me. It really is a downfall of mine.
That is the journey we focus on here.
So.
A question.
What are you prepared to do for your M if you are not assured it will be saved? I'm not assured it will be saved - I know this - but what I'm doing now for my M is working to create a home that is safe and secure for my S and I.
If your H continues his A and his denial of you? Be the best mom I can be. Do everything I can to make certain this doesn't negatively effect him.
What are you prepared to do to save yourself? I have a really, really go therapist. I've been going to her for months and she is helping tremendously. I'm focusing on my S. I'm working out, signed up to volunteer, reconnecting with friends and family.
This tragedy we all share can also be the greatest gift you may ever understand in your life.
It is all up to you.
I'm trying - I really am - my thoughts are consumed with this - I'm still trying to figure out how to not let my mind go there constantly. I used my therapists suggestion today and actually said STOP out loud. It works for about 3-4 seconds.
I hope I don't sound like I'm making excuses - I feel like that's how its coming out. I really do want to heal, for my S, for my health - physical and emotional.
