How should I proceed now? Is there hope?

[NotCrackingUp]

HIH

Thanks. Bully is the word. It's actually a term my own family have used about him in the past, when they saw him being too critical or too ready to blame others rather than face up to his own shortcomings. It's a tendency that's really come to the fore now. I think you're right about self-esteem: no-one who felt really good about what he was doing would be lashing out with bags of reproach and resentment like he is. I do need to change some behaviour ( we created this situation between us) but I feel he must be made to look at his own behaviour too. I do feel that calmly telling him to think over the demands he makes of others and what he's willing to do/give himself might do no harm. Then I must tell him we'd better not meet or have much contact until such time as he's ready to commit in some way. I've been reading an article about "intervention and protection", phases in dealing with unfaithful spouses. It was in JinBK's posts, posted by "Allen A". There are some interesting things in it about breaking off all contact and the mechanism of attachment. It's not quite your sit. or even mine (dunno if OW isn't getting the same treatment as I am; it would seem poor little him is the innocent victim of nasty women annoying him and getting between him and freedom...).But it makes sense . The premise is that if we have no contact, we create a need in WS to return to the "attachment" bond of the marriage. Being nice and having regular contact is deadly, apparently, as WS can get the idea you're okay with OP and have accepted all. It's in the "Infidelity/Extramarital affairs" topic, among recent JinBK posts in exchange with Allen A. Read if you can find.It'll make you feel better about sit. with your W.But of course, we must detach, mustn't we?

Thanks for the "beautiful soul". Unfortunately, that don't go down too well in the current buyer's market!
NCU