Going home......................

[lovehurts]

Thank you both for your replies. The reason I thought it was directed at me was it was posted DIRECTLY after I posted and in response to my letter I posted for someone else.

I'm certainly not suggesting that my pain is any greater than anyone else's here. In fact, I read things that make me shudder. However, my pain is unique to me.

I, too, may be getting "read" as harsher than I intend my message. I'm trying to understand all sides. I've gotten great support and advice from Allen. I appreciate all that he's saying, but am not niave enough to believe that it's a "one size fits all approach"

I've gone the route of exposure. It's still fairly fresh (it's been a little over a month) and I'm getting some support in some places and very little in others (from people I would think would support me - H ex W and OW's H are NOT supportive (I find that sooooo odd)

I also went the path of telling him as long as he's continuing the A, he can't be here. It's progressed the D to lightening speed but I believe I HAD to do this because it was slowly killing me. And I don't mean that figuratively....I mean that literally. My inability to eat and sleep was severely effecting me (or is it affecting?) I'm still struggling with those two things but it's much less than when the A was being thrown in my face daily. I was also beginning to build walls of resentment, even hatred, toward my H that I was afraid would kill my desire to want to save the M.

So that is where I am now.....H not living here....A still being touted as alleged but stronger than ever....D started. So right, wrong or indifferent....I'm lying in the bed I made alone.

I just want to be clear that I am looking within myself. I've done the 180 and am continuing to live the changes I've made. I'm pretty sure I know where I went wrong. Unfortunately, the A happening didn't allow him to appreciate the 180 - it made him resent it.

So again, I'm sorry if I came across as defensive, but understandably - it was right after my post. I'm open to apposing opinions to decide what is best for my situation.