Still trying to find my way

[CityGirl]

You don't have to tell him anything. Actions always speak louder than words. Actions impact harder than words.

He may or may not get it - not your problem!

[Mystik]

True, but some times he can be really dense and think we're friends. But we definitely are not.

[CityGirl]

Let him think what he wants, lol! If most of his friends ignore him and don't talk to him, well, then he won't really notice you are not his friend!

[newmama]

Well done staying dark. I remember how hard it is.

Gee, your S wouldn't miss your H if he was with you and not OW! They are so dense. and SELFISH!!!!!

[Mystik]

Thanks NM, it is hard to stay dark. DS will say or do something funny and I want to share it with H, but have to remind myself if he hadn't left us he would have seen/heard it himself so why should I share private moments with DS with H? If that makes any sense.

H's text got me wondering if DS does miss his father but doesn't say anything. So I asked him this morning if he misses Daddy. His answer: "Not one bit." Needless to say I'm not going to be the one to break that news to H, he'll accuse me of making it up. Let him ask DS and get the honest answer.

Had to see H this morning for him to pick up DS for a Sunday visit. I was good, didn't speak to H at all, just told DS I loved him and would see him later. H ended up calling me to see if DS had eaten breakfast, I simply answered he had refused every time I offered him food and ended the call. Trying my best to continue staying dark. I'll have to see him in a few hours to pick up DS then dark until Wednesday night.

[bluestar]

Mystic, you sound so much stronger these past few days. The dark agrees with you. I hope you can work to a place where you are not so accomodating to your H's whims on visitation. Don't forget that you are just as important to you son as he is. Your time is just a valuable to DS. And really, so what if he misses DS? That's his problem NOT yours.

[Mystik]

Home with DS. Had to interact with H this time. H told me the pants DS was wearing were too big so he had DS change. I, thinking the pants belonged to Whore's brat, said that he could have put DS in the shorts still at his place but H said since it was cool out he thought it would be better for DS to wear something he got for his birthday so the pants were his, I could calm down. Oops, H noticed I tend to frown on DS wearing the other kid's clothes. Tough crap for H.

So going to go no contact until I see him again Wednesday night. If DS wants to call him he can, but I won't.

[Mystik]

Bluestar, dark is working for me. Much as I miss H and want to contact him, I know that going dark is the best thing. Now that we're on the new visitation schedule H is actually seeing DS less than he was before. You are right, if H misses DS that's his problem not mine. H made the choices that led to this situation, not me.

[Vulcanized]

Bluestar, dark is working for me. Much as I miss H and want to contact him, I know that going dark is the best thing. Now that we're on the new visitation schedule H is actually seeing DS less than he was before. You are right, if H misses DS that's his problem not mine. H made the choices that led to this situation, not me.

Exactly. I feel bad for your S having less time w/his F. But this is all the consequences of H's poor choices.

You do sound better. Keep it up.

[Mystik]

Absolutely, Vulcanized. It does stink for DS but so far he doesn't seem to really care.