Going home......................

[lovehurts]

I agree with your whole post...especially that last line about who is more righteous. Brilliant!

I just want to point out that I've never stated I didn't have something to do with where our marriage had gotten to. As a matter of fact, most people had to tell me to stop blaming myself. However, nothing justifies an affair.


Um, yeah, it sucks to be cheated on. But concentrating on exposure.."intel" and letter writing and phone calls to people who really should not be in your marriage...doesn't it take away from the that an OP is a symptom and not the cause of your sucky marriage?

Isn't asking people for support? It's uncomfortable, but why not try to get people who you both respect support your marriage?

As far as the sucky marriage - again, you don't have to tell us we have a part in a sucky marriage.

[i]When you have a cold or the flu - don't you do things to treat the symptoms of those illnesses? I don't say, if it weren't for this runny nose, I wouldn't have cold? No I know that the COLD is the reason for the runny nose, but I'm going to blow my nose and take meds to treat that symptom.

It is so much easier to blame an OP. Much harder to own up to your own part in the marriage problems and to work on improving youself.

Again, you don't have to tell us!

I do not condone affairs and I think they are the most cowardly thing a person can do. However, having a cheating spouse does not give you carte blanche to become a complete biatch or ba$tard. It is as if people suddenly think that they can trash the spouse for every other thing they have done, and the spouse is supposed to hang his head and realize what a horrible person he is.

I've not been a biatch - I've not only been respectful, I've been coached to NOT name call, NOT attack, NOT trash him.

If only it were that easy.
If only we were all so perfect.

Who has said at any point this is easy OR that we are perfect?

I'm not 100% sure any of this is right or wrong. But what I don't like is being judged for doing what I think is right to save my marriage. If someone thought is was so wrong, why didn't they speak up day one, week one, or month one? Why is it only happening now?

I'm trying like hell to save my marriage. I love my H with every ounce of my being. He's crushed me. I describe it as feeling like my hearts been ripped out and dropped on the floor in front of me...I can see it beating but I can't reach it to put it back in and mend the damage. CRUSHED! and I guess the last thing I need is someone else telling my how much I had to do with my sucky marriage.

Thanks for taking the time to hear me out.

Respectfully,
LH