What if you change your mind?

[Faith2010]

Do you know what scares me though? That he's just using 'splitting' as an excuse to go out and do whatever he wants for a while, so that when he's bored with that he can come back. That is the thought that is sticking with me. That this is his chance to be selfish without hearing about it from me, with the intentions of trying to 'fix' it when he's done. And I think that even if that isn't his intention, if he ever DID come back I would think that and resent him even more. 

How do you forgive the hurt when they have NO remorse during the process? He has absolutely no issue about hurting me at all. Why would I think he would be sorry in the future? Other than just being done with THAT life and lonely and bored. 


I don't know if I'm making sense, but though i don't know the person he is now, I do think in the future he will regret this and try to come back, when he comes back to the person he truly os  Maybe it's wishful thinking but i don't know. I really do think he will regret it one day. The spiteful part of me hopes he does so I can reject him, as i have been rejected for so long. But is that really what I want? If he is the old guy I married I DO want to be with him. But I do not know if I can forgive the alien he is now. 

This is where working on yourself and GALing comes in. I know it's hard not to focus on the hurt he is causing you and the what ifs. You need to work on you. I can't stress how important this is. With me, I had gotten to a point where I realized I could live without him...and be whole. I don't know how H came out of his fog but he did and just in the nick of time. Much longer and I don't think I would have taken him back. Whether deep down or subconsciously he sensed me moving on, I don't know.

Forgiving H, that's hard. To this day he can't explain why he did what he did. He tells me it was like he was a different person, one who didn't know how to think rationally. I don't believe he ever intentionally tried to hurt me or our S. It was just a consequence of his idiotic behavior.

1. Why did he tell me that?

2. What in the world was the purpose of telling me that? To hurt me? For zero reason, just a story? He brought it up completely, it wasn't an added piece to an ongoing conversation or anything. Why why why? This is the stuff that confuses me greatly. Am I reading too much into it? I don't know. 

I don't know the answer but my gut tells me you shouldn't dwell on it. Much of what he does is confusing and will continue to be. If you continue trying to come of with a reason why you are going to drive yourself crazy. It's not worth it. I doubt he knows why he told you.