I am wondering - and I'm sorry if this is repetitious - but for those of us just starting in this separation with an MLC and no contact - is what you are describing following a "dark" period or have you been together? Just wondering if the advice would differ
IB you sound confused by what was written by HB. Lets try to review what has been written, it is a good question.
HB wrote the 6 stages this is an excerpt from withdrawal stage
Originally Posted By: Heart Blessing from 6 stages
During this time, they will NOT communicate with ANYONE, not even their spouse, as they are drawn so far within, no one can reach them. They MUST be allowed to continue, with NO interruptions, just like before-they will NOT come out until they are READY to come out.
Just like in Depression, they want to left alone, still processing their issues and the damage they have done to their spouse and their lives, and they make several decisions during this time concerning their lives, job, and marriage. But those WON'T be known UNTIL they break Withdrawal and talk to their spouse the first time
They are still secretive, somewhat asserting their privacy, much like a teen-ager, but during this time, they must be gently but firmly led along, and only when the time is right-a wrong word at the wrong time will cause them to "stick" within the tunnel.
What cadet quoted is a contradiction of the instructions that HB originally wrote. See bold highlighted above. You only follow the contradiction when the MLC'er is STUCK in the tunnel during WITHDRAWAL STAGE.
If you do it at some other time when they are not stuck you risk driving them deeper into the tunnel. This is why this is a difficult concept to grasp.
IB for you this is information to file away for possible future use, it is not something that you want to think about now. You are reading up on advanced MLC class. Do not try this at home without parental supervision. LOL!
I hope that clears up what we are writing about. Just to further clariy. Upsides H is stuck in withdrawal and needs to be led home by the LBS'er just the way HB wrote in the original 6 stages. But the leading is a little bit different than everything else that we have learned. I guess it is part of basic DB'ing - "Do what works".
