Can you tell me how long your interest in intimacy was gone? And did you blame your H for that at the time?
Bobby, I'm sorry that I did not see your response and question to my post to you.
My lack of interest in intimacy for myself lasted about 2 years. At first I didn't realize menopause was the reason. When hormones go out of whack it is not uncommon.
No, I didn't blame my H I just couldn't figure out what was going on in the beginning. When I did figure it out I asked my H for some understanding about it. Even though I wasn't interested in intimacy for myself I always made sure H was taken care of.
When my desire returned H had started to have real problems in the intimacy area. After a while he stopped even being interested. This I believe came from the perfect storm of many factors. My H has struggled with depression at times for years. During my change H went into full blown depression. His depression preceded a MLC. I would bet my farm that if H would have gone to a doctor (I asked him to many times) and had a hormone level check that his T levels would be very low to non existent.
2 weeks before my H left, he re-met an old girlfriend that he dated in HS at her father's funeral home viewing. I knew something was up because he came out of his depression for those 2 weeks and was acting different. My H is no happier now than before he left and it's been almost a year. He hasn't taken a look internally at his own issues yet therefore he doesn't realize his unhappiness is internal and not from any external force such as me or the children.
Not saying I didn't have a part in the breakdown of my marriage, but it was a good one for many years. Certainly nothing so wrong that couldn't be fixed by sane people.
People going through a MLC are not sane, and it's not a quick trip. It can take 3 to 5 years.
We all go through Mid Life Transitions. When the train goes off the track for some of us it becomes a crisis. Depression permeates the entire crisis. MLCers are confused.
I do not believe menopause or andrpause (male version) has to be occuring for one to be having a MLC but it certainly can go hand in hand.
One thing most MLCers have in common is traumatic childhoods. Do you know what your W's was like?
Anyway, I hang out in the MLC forum. I went there straight away when I registered as I had researched my H's sudden snap beforehand and was pretty sure that is what I was dealing with as he fit the profile.
Good luck Bobby. The one thing this is going to take is a great deal of patience. There is nothing you can do to make this go faster for your W but there are things that you might do that would slow her journey down.
If you have questions you're welcome to find me on the MLC board or start posting there if you'd like. There is great support there. I will try to remember to keep checking on you here.
