Sorry TH, this is how I "feel". Maybe it promotes a 2x4, but after all that's why I'm here. I mean please just give me the benefit of help after finding this crap. It hurts man. I'm here for direction.
I know it's not THAT different, but it's more like a combo of everything happening in reverse order. That's why I said unique, no real difference in the outcome. Nothing special at all.
I'm just lost right now after finding additional evidence.
My gut is telling me I need to do something to stand up for my M in addition to myself. Maybe, it's a feeling of something I'm missing...Might not even be about the M, just something is not sitting right.
If you ask me, "Do you feel vindictive going dark?" I would say YES.
I don't want to have to retaliate in this way, I understand why I have to do it, but is vindictive?...yeah in a way it is. This is reality and unfortunately I can't make this become like the "Movies" where she comes back with open arms. However, I believe with how I contributed with my behavior to our M, I HELPED cause her "sickness".
Is getting a L vindictive? Yes and No, it's only to protect myself, but what if it throws an addt'l dose of reality in it for her. If I have to protect myself from her "sickness", why wouldn't I try anything to help her at the same time? Not enabling her is the only way I know of right now, is there anything else?
All I know is I exposed her A and lies...and now I even have PROOF. A week ago to the day, yeah I need to be open and prepared for anything.
I can't control her feelings about me or herself, but if there is something I can do besides the obvious, without compromising my self respect I want to know.
Times got tough, she felt the need to escape. Is she in the wrong...yes. Am I in the wrong? Yes.
All I know is I have the power and control to do whatever I need to do from here on and keep my sanity. In the end it's knowing that I went out being the best man I could be and for f'cking once be involved in my M.
