The first thing you have to do is stop reading into everything he does. You can't possibly know *why* he's doing something--he's not even sure why he's doing it.
And you don't MAKE him do anything. We can't make anyone do anything. No matter how hard we try. He is doing all of this on his own, even if he were reacting to you--he's still the one who is control of himself.
No matter how much we try to blame other people for our actions or how hard we try to absorb to guilt for someone else's reactions... we are only responsible for ourselves.
You didn't *make* him go away any more than you can *make* him come back. So stop trying... it is out of your control.
That can be one of the hardest things to grasp. This bullsh!t has absolutely nothing to do with us. Never did. Never will.
And stop trying to determine whether he is in an MLC or not--it doesn't matter at this point.
No, it doesn't. It does not matter at all.
He is gone, for whatever reason.
Knowing IF he's in MLC or not isn't going to help you get through it.
Working on you is the only way you are going to get through. Put H, all of his games, all of his excuses, put all of it aside and focus on you & your son. The life you build from here on out for the two of you is the ONLY thing you are going to be able to control.
I've found that dealing with an MLCer is like driving behind someone who is wildly fishtailing out of control. They keep spinning from one extreme to another--your job is to stay in control and not get thrown into a ditch because they got close enough to knock you out of your lane.
Both hands on the wheel, pie. Eyes straight ahead. Breathe. Focus. Detach.
I know it's hard... omg do I know it's hard. But it's the only thing you can do right now. Detach or he will drag you into this mess with him. You can't function like that. Your son needs you.
formerly known as "shelbel" Me 40, stbxh 40 DSs 9, 7 & 3 M9, T10 Stbxh is a diagnosed bipolar & an addict. The end.
