Saffie, Thank you for your well intentioned response. truth is that is complicated and confusing. You say " Either both let go of the bad feelings and the history or let go of each other." It is interesting to me how it is never so clear cut in my dealings with my H. One day we have apologized and cleared the air; our interactions are fond, genuine and productive and I feel we could work things out beautifully. A few days later, my H is back to feeling wronged and though he tries to listen, he fails because he can't see through the fog of his negative thinking. This last interaction, over the move to the University actually ended quite productively. We agreed to put aside any of our wounded feelings for the days it takes to move our son in and that afterward we would meet for the "big talk" to decide whether we will be able to reconcile. We have in good faith 'owned up' to our respective responsibilities, but sadly, the hurts do tend to resurface from time to time. It is this which makes me frustrated, the back and forth of it all. I would like to apologize, and go forward. This constant re apologizing, re enumerations of past deeds, reestablishment of good faith is agonizing to me and makes me feel dejected. I realize we need counseling. I merely need a place to voice out loud my more negative feelings so that I can see my way as clearly as possible. I agree entirely that piecing is hard. I believe that is what I am experiencing now.
