Here I am.

[Hosea]

Here's my sich. I've posted on other similar forums in the past month, but the negativity and unwillingness to help me when I didn't do things exactly as they suggested kinda turned me off to them. You guys are a much more optimistic bunch and the DB aspects of GAL, 180s, and letting go give me a much more warm and fuzzy feeling about my situation.

Me, 29, military vet but civilian military spouse for the last 7 years. Primary caregiver to our kids, S5 and S3, for 5 years and totally SAHD for the last three.

WAW, 29, enlisted military for 10 years. Currently deployed to the Middle East since June, due home in Dec.

WAW dropped a call on me 2 months into her deployment. At first tried to feel out if I was unhappy in our marriage, then when I said I was happy, she gave me a laundry list of reasons shes unhappy and didn't think she had the heart to make it work. I did the usual begging, reasoning, and "I love yous". Midweek we agreed to hold of on R talks until she got back as its hard to hash stuff out 4 months and a world away.

The next weekend I discovered that she has been having an online EA with a man she met in predeployment training in May, who is deployed to a different country. Sending him gifts with love notes attached. A lot more stuff I dug up or realized later, but it was pretty much a rapid typical romantic infatuation.

After I confronted her and the OM about it (it was through FB messages, mostly fairly calm "think about what you are doing to our family and do the right thing" type stuff). I asked her if she was sure about him vs her family. She said she was and she "loved him, can't and won't give him up", "had been thinking about divorce before she met him" (Well why didn't she do it? lol), and thought that a broken home was better for the children.

Oh and here's a new one for the WAW fogbabble list. " I've respected your decision to not attend church, but I've missed it and have been wanting someone to share it with. The OM has helped me get back into my relationship with God". The mind boggles.

We talked custody and the mechanics of divorce. She wanted me to file on her and she wants primary custody of the boys I've been raising. Not going to get into that here, just yet.

2 weeks later, I let her know that I do still love her and that I'm not giving up on our family easily. A quick divorce is never the best option when there's no abuse. I told her I wouldn't pressure her but the door is open.

I exposed the affair to her family a week later. It backfired, as shes not really in contact with them that much and they've chosen to be neutral on the issue. However, they told me to not give up on her. The only reaction I got from her was a demand to know what I told them and her changing her FB relationship status from "married" to "it's complicated". The OM changed his from "single" to "in a relationship".

That was a week ago. Since, all the contact we've had has been her calling to talk to the boys, a few emails dealing with money, and me backsliding once to tell her not to go on a 4 day pass with this OP. So she's pretty irate at me right now.

After reading DB, Dr. Harley's stuff, and others, I've decided to let her go and do her thing. I'm on zoloft now to help with the roller coaster emotional swings. I blocked myself from FB totally, but left my profile alone so she could see what pictures of the boys I have on there already. I lost 40 lbs on my own in the three months previous to all this (was wanting to surprise her when she got home), and 30 lbs in the 3 weeks after she dropped the bomb on me (the unrecommended "Infidelity Diet"). I'm getting on the track to GAL for myself, but this is hard being a single parent with no job, ,friends or family nearby. Any suggestions on this would help me out immensely. My hopes rest on her responding to the DBing once she gets home and reality sets back in. If not then there's nothing I can do about it.

Am I on the right track now?