I gave up...filed for D

[courts0818]

I'm so glad to hear that you guys pray. It takes A LOT of control and strength to pray for someone who has hurt you and your kids so badly. Kudos to you for pushing past that pain and setting a great example for your kids. I'm so glad you guys are at peace. You are a great mom bc YOU ARE THE ROCK YOUR KIDS NEED. Take the time to acknowledge that for yourself.

I know how hard it is to deal with their pain as well. It fills me with rage that my H would hurt our DD like this. So the best we can do is just continue to love our kids, give them extra attention and help them through this making sure they know that they have NOTHING to do with the behavior of their rotten father.

Another good idea is to drop simple notes in backpacks, cars or send texts to kids just saying hi and checking in - reminding them that they are loved, you are proud of them, that you guys will get through this, that God will give each of you strength.

[luvless]

Thanks courts I really do appreciate your posts.

Ya know yesterday was the first day since all this happened that I actually felt like I can close the door and be ok. I hope they weren't temporary thoughts/feelings but it was nice to feel like I don't care what happens.

I had a dream last night that stbxH came asking me back. He looked so different in the dream - I looked at him and said "no way are you crazy?" I said it and felt it which was weird since all this time I really wished our marriage would be reconciled.

I have been so exhausted lately. I haven't slept in weeks and it caught up to me finally. I slept in today and if it weren't that I had to take kids to school I would have slept till the afternoon!

I don't know what to do anymore but to start letting go. I pray for Mr. Luv every single day and night. I feel a little relieved.

Luv

[luvless]

I just had to journal this...

My 15 yr old son tells me tonight, "mom I don't even care about dad being gone...I've ignored him since freshman year." This made me so sad to hear. I said to him that can't be true son, he replies "it's the truth."

Well looking back all our troubles started in Nov 2009 which would be his freshman year. Maybe my dear son saw what I didn't see and decided to detach. Now who is the smart one here huh?

I had a nice evening with my kids - I'm so glad to have them. I asked him, is that what you would say if I left? he replies, "you're different" now THAT makes all my hard work WORTH WHILE

Luv

[DanF]

You have to love it when the kids say things like this. My duaghter does this quite a bit and it just cracks me up!!

I haven't read your thread Luv, but I really appreciated your post to me on AG's thread, so I thought I would check in. Maybe I will catch-up with you when I have some time. I am completely worn out by my own sitch right now too.

Take care of yourself and your kids.

Hugs back!!

[luvless]

Dan - very thoughtful of you - thank you

This is my 3rd thread - my original thread is "feel like giving up - talk to me" on 11/24/09

anyway thanks for stopping by and I do read your thread too

Luv

[LSG]

Luv,

I have to agree with both you and DanF that it is amazing what kids say sometimes. I have heard things from my kids too.

They are so honest and open about things.

My thread has worn me out too. It takes it toll on you.

I am glad to she that you are doing okay.

Always be proud of what you have done for you and your kids.

Cheers!!!

[luvless]

Thanks LSG - it's hard but it's there is no choice other than being the best parent you can be in a divorce. The kids are watching your every move ya know?

It is disheartening to see all the newcomers here with the same story. It's hard to stay positive.

[luvless]

I have to say I spoke too soon. I said just 4 days ago that I was feeling ok to let go but yesterday I had such a bad day!

He emails me and it starts. I seem to do just fine then bam he invades my inbox and upsets me. I had a terrible day and felt so sad. I mean really sad. I hadn't felt that in a while. It caught up to me I guess. I started thinking why did this happen to us? That our family was broken forever.

We went back and forth about how it's always about him and he only cares about himself. I got on his case about not answering my older son's email (which son was very upset about) He came telling me, "mom dad finally answered me" with a smile on his face. He doesn't know it's because I told his dad how terrible that it was for him to not respond so then probably out of guilt - he does. This is the stuff that is tearing me up. I see my kids feel so abandoned by their dad. If I didn't have to see this I could heal much faster. Then again I chose him to be their father - nice huh?

I am not in a good place. Who knows why I feel this way. I hope it's just a dip in the rollercoaster. I'm getting sick of it. I haven't lived in 10 months and I'm dying to feel normal again.

Thanks to a very dear friend of mine who has seen me through so much. I think I can get there.

Luv

[ImprovedRomeo]

It really does ruin the day when they (or the Ls) invade your inbox with the nasty grams or bad news.

I'm sorry your STBXH is acting in such an immature way that he doesn't even treat his kids with the respect and care that they need and deserve but if there's any consolation your kids are lucky to have you as their mom. It's my hope that your STBXH starts to see the light soon.

It really is a process and with time things will get better. I hope you're doing good today (despite the lack of sleep).

[luvless]

Thanks Romeo...

It's not like I'm sitting here moping. I do try and stay focused and have positive days but recently it's been hard. Our court dating is coming up next month and I am probably feeling the stress of having to see him. I don't want to see his face. It represents nothing but LIES and HURT.

Well I am going to dig myself out of this crap because I don't do well feeling miserable.

I am enjoying a peaceful morning by myself. The kids are all in school which is so nice. I used to love my alone time in the mornings before all this happened. At least I still have that to feel normal.

Luv