TG, what you say makes absolute sense. Its like I'm also on an emotional rollercoaster tho...one day I'll be feeling great! I'm a caring loving attractive funny feisty intellegent sexy person, and I feel confident within myself and what I've gained through this and life feels just fine. Then the next day I'll be beating myself up thinking, is there something wrong with me that no ones telling me cause they dont want to hurt such a nice person or something....why is he treating me like this? One minute close , next minute far....
up down up down.....
The 'I'm great' days seem to stretch longer than they used to, at least, but the 'Whats wrong with me' days still rear their ugly heads
SA, I think my problem might come in when I forget or question/doubt wether he is in a mlc. Like today I'm saying to myself, maybe it isnt a MLC, maybe hes acting funny cause maybe I'm making him react and act weirldy or something - essentially just blaming myself for everything and everything he's doing
And to explain the jeckle - hyde thing : when he's nice to me its cause maybe I'm too distant, and when he's cold to me its because Ive been too friendly.
When he talks to me like a teenage boy, maybe its cause hes been around his BMF (from teenyears) all day - they tend to talk like two teenagers .
And as to why he left his stuff here, and calls everything 'ours' , and buying stuff for 'us', its because hes just being nice and doesnt want to take anything away from me.
And when he says he doesnt want a divorce 'just yet', maybe its not because hes confused at all, its because he doesnt have the money right now.
Ann when he says to S4 - take care of mommy for me, he's just trying to be nice? or something? i DONT KNOW!!!
Basically on a bad day like today, I'm tellng myself, 'don't be silly its not a mlc, YOU are making him act weird like this, you should just tell him to get lost cause he really just doesnt love you at all and never has, cant you see that, are you stupid or something?How pathetic'
Its driving me nuts.
Pity party
And tomorrow I'll probably be fine. But this up down thing is gonna put me in the looney bin.
Thank you so much both of you for your advice...maybe its just gonna take a little more time for me to get to that nice stable place...I'll just keep trying to aim for it and know I'll get there sooner or later...
