Pie, Don't beat yourself up. All the thoughts and feelings you're having are part of the LBS process. You examine and question every thing about your M and spouse. You will find as you are able to focus more on yourself the time you spend doing this will be less and less.
Your H may do this too, but it will be much farther into the crisis.
This is why the the LBS is much further along in our journeys. We are sane (even thought sometimes it doesn't seem like it)when we start the trip. We get to start doing the mirror work and recognizing our part of the breakdown of our M without the band-aids and blaming our S's are using to avoid looking internally. We get to start looking within right away if we choose, without the fog.
Thank goodness for being able to focus on ourselves and deal with our issues. As you start to deal with them and figure them out you will feel a sense of accomplishment and confidence in finding yourself again. That someone you may have lost during the M. You will need this strength to carry yourself and your H through if/when he returns as he will return needing your help and guidance to get through the rest of his crisis. You will be the light shining on the path home, if you choose.
Your H is wearing his mask. He needs the world to see that he is finally happy because he is away from the source of his unhappiness. You will observe cracks in this mask as it is very hard work keeping it in place. At some point if your H is able to deal with his internal issues he will realize that his unhappiness had nothing to do with you. Just as his MLC had nothing to do with you.
Step back and detach as there is nothing you can do to help or fix your H at this time. You can fix yourself though. Going dark as possible really does help. Keep any contact you have with H only about necessary kid or finance issues.
Trying to analyze your H's motives or feelings for the things he does or says are a big waste of your own time. They have no idea why they do the things they do or say the things they say. They could very well contradict themselves in the next breath.
Stop the expectation that he will think or react like the H he was, or that things have the same meaning they did to him pre MLC.
Leave your H to twist in the wind for a while. You take care of your S and YOU!
You can do this Pie! You found your way here for a reason.
