This is something posted to me during my wife MLC that might help.
Originally Posted By: Heart Blessing
During these final three stages; Depression, Withdrawal and Acceptance, the LBS, starting with Withdrawal has an opportunity to "re-balance" the relationship with proper boundaries, the finishing of their growing, AND the enforcing of said boundaries. By the time, the MLC'er reaches the stage of Withdrawal, the LBS should have a good handle on themselves, their emotions, and should be strong enough to handle whatever happens, understanding enough to let go of the outcome, and leave it in the hands of the Lord who knows ALL things.
In this process, THESE LAST THREE STAGES(Depression, Withdrawal and Acceptance) is where the MLC'er learns the SAME lessons the LBS learns, and the MLC'er learns these lessons THROUGH the LBS actions TOWARD the MLC'er....as the LBS is the staunchion, or the pillar of strength..the "lighthouse" if you will...they are the source of strength that "draws" the MLC'er back.
If the LBS allows the MLC'er to run roughshod over them, in this latter half of the crisis, it will turn into a cycle that loops around and around until broken..and each time it loops, it's harder to break...and it takes MORE time and MORE strength to try and break the cycle each time it's allowed to come about.
If people are disrespectful of and to us, it is because we ALLOW them to be....these things are to be broken in the latter half of the crisis.
In the first half, they are trying to find themselves, and we must give them this space..in the latter half, the connection is attempting to rebuild itself between the husband and wife,(if they make it that far, it should mean, if nothing happens, that they can and should finish together) and it is then the bad habits of a lifetime are broken, and balance restored...they are strong enough in that last half to see the damage they've done, face their issues, and LEARN(I did say, learn) to respect the one who has been there for and with them throughout this crisis.
It doesn't mean the LBS should bully or browbeat the MLC'er, but it DOES mean a stand must be made in order to make the MLC'er understand that enough is enough...go this far, and come NO farther....enforcing that the boundaries laid ARE respected.
I also get the feeling your wife knows EXACTLY what she's doing, do NOT allow her to fool you into thinking she's unaware of what she's trying to force you to do. They do try to play "head games" during the non-facing of their issues when they get stuck, and try to make the LBS think they are going nuts, and the MLC'er uses that to try and force the LBS to back off when push comes to shove.
Just so you know, it does NOT always happen this way, this "pushing" of the MLC'er only occurs when they get "stuck" in the facing of their issue or issues.
I wish there was another way, but I'm not seeing one...this seems to be the only way to go, Cadet, according to what I'm being shown.
Push her, Cadet, and push her HARD..it MUST needs to happen for her to come forward in this...whether she brings this up or you do...you'll need stay in it and with it until it's done, and over with, no backing down of yourself....regardless of what happens.
I'm praying no one will be there except you and her when it happens, as this will be between the two of you, and involves no one else.
This is totally up to you and no one else, the door is wide open at this time, but not for long.
I may post some more about this later, but HB lays it out there to see.
