Thanks PH. I know you're right. I guess it's more therapuetic for me than about him replying. I can run by my L. But most likely I just purged to the board for my own mental health.
Today is my wedding anniversary. Number 12. It will be my last one.
A year ago this time was 5 mos. separated. I was a basket case. And many on here gave me support and helped me through it.
This year it's a weekday, better than a weekend but also I see how my thinking has changed. I am better, but today, I'm just sad. I'll allow myself, just for today. Because it's my last anniversary. And I have to grieve that.
I know I don't really have a M anymore. Something about anniversaries though. I am remembering that day, 12 years ago. But just for today, just for a minute.
Thanks to all on here for all you do, and the help you give. Wishing everyone the best in their sitches. Peace and hugs.
Dear Twin, (((Aver))), Thanks for stopping by! I have been very VERY slow to post lately. But last Mon. I was feeling the need, on my anniv. and thank you so very much for your support. I felt this need to somehow acknowledge it. And I know you are right about everything.
Going OK at my brother's. He's been great. And it is great to be on this side of town, close to everyone & work. It's just not my own. And that's OK right now. I've been looking at houses too. But it's strictly window shopping until the legal stuff is done.
Bringing me to, the past week of this legal ping pong - H's L sent a not too nice letter about a wk & half ago, blah blah, I should be so happy H is willing to pay $500 more than I am on cr card, (I asked him to pay $1,500). I told my L Ok. I don't care anymore. We had to do some recalculating on the 401K division. Since I have more in my current one, & he had more in his old one, we have to adjust amt. he was going to give me.
It doesn't help that I misunderstood in June that we are to keep our own current 401K. I don't know why this is all so hard for me to understand. Not good at this D stuff. Not good at all.
It seems that as this drags out over time I get confused w the pieces parts, & so was thinking I was getting less than I actually would. But that's no reason for his L to send a nasty letter.
I have his license tag renewal (as his car is still in my name!) So I sent L an email saying I'll mail it on unless she tells I shouldn't.
And doesn't help that H's L is apparently MIA - my L said she can't get a hold of her, emails bounceback, no vm. Sounds shady to me.
Right now, hoping my L will get back to me & say my 401K calc. are right. Then we send our rev. agreement to his L. So it's a waiting game.
Just hanging in. I need to check in on you! I hope no news is good news & you are GALing your little rear off! Sending hugs & will check in soon. :-)
I'm so sorry that your D is so complicated! Maybe all D's are like this, I don't know. I hope you can get these last details ironed out.
Hopefully once that is done, you can really feel free to start your own new life. We know that you have done that already, of course--but I imagine without the constant weight of the D proceedings, you can feel a little lighter.
And, yes, H's L sounds a bit weird--no voice mail? Can your L do some sort of check on her? make sure she actually exists, and is a L?
Hang in there. Each day gets better, right? Even when there are set backs, over all each day is a tad bit better.
((((Aver)))) I posted on your thread & thought I should post my own cr*p on my own thread! Anyway thanks for your thougths -- I dont' know if my D is so complicated, or the people involved are!
At this point, I'm ready to finish, but instead playing the waiting game. And I dont' know why he isn't turbo-charging this sep. agrmt. through since there should be absolutely no barriers now:
Let's see, I've agreed to his wanting to pay only $500 more than $1500 on the cr. card debt.
And, he gets to pay me less than stated before of his 401K to equalize it -- so much time has passed that I have more $ in my 401K now!!
But as I shared on your thread, for the past 2 weeks, nothing's happened. I follow up w L. And she hasn't heard anything.
I know I was the dragger for a long time, trying my best DB with some misguided, but well intended advice to not help move it along. Well back then there was a silver of hope. But no more.
This paying 1/2 the mortgage & also rent to my brother, although low, is getting expensive! Plus writing a check to L ea. month. True it's let when all she has to bill me for is a few emails, but also her time in getting a response is not free!
So maybe I'll call her. What exactly is the deal? I'm so tired of it all. I still hate going through with this, but it's really dragging on. And coming from me, that means it's REALLY dragging on! It's like having surgery, and the dr. has started the cut - with no anesthetic. Horribly, incredibly painful at first. But I'm so used to that knife stuck in me, it's just a dull ache now. And I can't do anything, I can't move fwd. as long as they keep this knife here. Let's finish the amputation already!!!!
Time to get back to work. I hope everyone is doing great, I have been off the boards a while, hope to catch up & see if I can maybe help. Sending hugs and best wishes for success on your paths. (((()))))
Yeah, the surgery analogy is a good one. Cut the damn leg off already!
You are so ready to move on, right? Accepting reality, this is how it is, the only choice now is how you will handle the things life has given you.
I know all that is cliched and all, but I use it everyday! Yup!"Damnit, I didn't want to be running this house all by myself!" "but you are, Aver, and so how will you handle it?"
Etc.
No idea why your STBXH is dragging this out? what's up with that? Just waiting for you to get more in your 401K? or what!
How are you doing? You are sounding stronger and stronger. I am glad that your brother is being so supportive. Don't beat yourself up on misunderstanding some of the details of the D stuff. That's why you have a L to guide you.
Window shopping for houses sounds good. I know that none of us intended to be at this point when we got M but we are here and it is an excellent starting point to carve out the lives we want going forward. Now that we kow which mistakes to avoid, I am sure that we will all ensure we do better the next time around in love too. And there will be a next time, I amm sure.
Thanks for the shout out on the "I confess"thread. I am here regularly reading threads and checking up on people even if I don't usually post. Not much to say re my own sitch. I have cut Mr. K loose. It is for my own self preservation and I just reached a point where I said "No more". I enjoyed my summer thoroughly. Lots of hanging out with friends, eating out, going to concerts and movies etc. I continue to focus on personal growth, seek knowledge, try to live with thanks and joy. Same journey as everyone else.
It is absolutely great to hear from you,LFA. As long as you are posting, I'll be checking in.
A year since seeing or speaking to X...well, that has got to suck in many ways, and be OK in many ways.
I actually did see X's truck drive by the other day. Thank goodness I didn't actually see him--just slowly processed who it was.
How are the puppies? What are you doing to GAL? How is it living with your bro?
You see, I do think about you frequently and hope you are doing well.
We didn't chose to be here; but we gotta make the best of what we were handed. Heck, the people caught in the floods in Pakistan didn't choose that--but what good would whining about the rain do?
Not good at this D stuff. Not good at all.