911 Puppy...PLEASE HELP!

[SpinFree]

So I said, "I sure hope that you are not IMing OW because that would be really disrespectful."

He YELLS back, "I'm on the damn internet. Then mumbles, shut the F up. I can't stand you." I almost lost it. Any advice on how to handle it? I really don't want to just ignore, but he's not going to continue to speak to me that way. After what he's done, he's speaking to ME like that?

Set a boundary and be prepared to enforce it.

When you XXXXX, I feel YYYYYY. I want ZZZZZZ.
If you continue to XXXXX, I will QQQQQQQ.
Then do it.

Look up Coach's excellent thread on boundaries.

SpinFree

[hoosiermama]

So I said, "I sure hope that you are not IMing OW because that would be really disrespectful."

He YELLS back, "I'm on the damn internet. Then mumbles, shut the F up. I can't stand you." I almost lost it. Any advice on how to handle it? I really don't want to just ignore, but he's not going to continue to speak to me that way. After what he's done, he's speaking to ME like that?

Set a boundary and be prepared to enforce it.

When you XXXXX, I feel YYYYYY. I want ZZZZZZ.
If you continue to XXXXX, I will QQQQQQQ.
Then do it.

Look up Coach's excellent thread on boundaries.

SpinFree

well, at this point it isn't even about feelings; he absolutely should not speak to you like that in front of your child! so I'd skip "I feel YYYYY" and go right to "when you speak to me like that in front of DD, it's disrespectful and harmful for hter to hear. I want ZZZZZ (for it to stop, I imagine); if you continue to XXXXX, I will QQQQQ."

[SpinFree]

well, at this point it isn't even about feelings; he absolutely should not speak to you like that in front of your child! so I'd skip "I feel YYYYY" and go right to "when you speak to me like that in front of DD, it's disrespectful and harmful for hter to hear. I want ZZZZZ (for it to stop, I imagine); if you continue to XXXXX, I will QQQQQ."

An excellent point HM; however, when I set boundaries with my lovely wife, I told her how it made me feel. Some of these were an absolute revelation to her: "I had no idea". This was at the point where we were working together. Before that, it was: "I don't care". Now I know that it was really, "I wasn't ready to listen".

SpinFree

[hoosiermama]

I agree that this approach is appropriate in the vast majority of situations, but someone who says: "shut the F up. I can't stand you" in front of his child really doesn't care what his wife thinks--or what his child hears.

[gr8 day 2B alive]

He YELLS back, "I'm on the damn internet. Then mumbles, shut the F up. I can't stand you." I almost lost it. Any advice on how to handle it? I really don't want to just ignore, but he's not going to continue to speak to me that way. After what he's done, he's speaking to ME like that?

He's angry b/c his double secret agent life has been exposed.

Tell him he is not to speak to you like that in front of your child. If he does again, simply leave the house.

[courts0818]

Thank you guys. Gr8 day, I thought the same thing. Now there's trouble in his paradise and he decides to take it out on ME bc I finally know what he's doing.

And yes, the biggest issue was that he decided to say something like that in front of DD. I really don't think she heard it bc he did mumble. But regardless, it was totally unacceptable. I'm just happy I didn't GO OFF the way I wanted to.

This is what I said last night, "I do not appreciate being yelled at or spoken to the way you did in the garage. I have every right to ask that you don't disrespect DD and I by contacting OW while you are here. That is a boundary & quite frankly if you don't like it, don't come over. And do NOT speak to me that way again, esp. in front of DD." He pretty much didn't acknowledge me.

Today, DD started preschool. He sent me this this text, "How was DD's first day?"

I replied, "If you would like to apolgize for the way you spoke to me last night, I'm happy to give you and update on school."

He didn't respond. That's his choice. But I'm done being a doormat. He's not going to talk to me one night in such a disrespectful manner then act like everything is just fine the next day.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

I agree that this approach is appropriate in the vast majority of situations, but someone who says: "shut the F up. I can't stand you" in front of his child really doesn't care what his wife thinks--or what his child hears.

GOOD POINT!!!



Puppy

[SpinFree]

I agree that this approach is appropriate in the vast majority of situations, but someone who says: "shut the F up. I can't stand you" in front of his child really doesn't care what his wife thinks--or what his child hears.

GOOD POINT!!!



Puppy

I agree, but they still need to hear it.
What you are doing affects me.
This doesn't all occur in your head.
It is also CYA. They can't say, "you never told me".

SpinFree

[courts0818]

H just texted me,

"Do you have any tax money left? Don't get all $hitty, I'm asking cause for some reason my debit card was shutoff and I couldn't tell if they're sending another or not right away and that really screws me. If u did and u would be nice enough to loan I'd write u a check right away u could deposit next week."

Really? Just a few days ago he told me to shut the F up and said he couldn't stand me. And now he needs money so he's asking me? What about OW? I think she's just as poor as him.
They are so pathetic.

I know he's hurting REALLY bad for $. He's been applying for loans and all sorts of things. Looks like his lifestyle has caught up with him.

He is still paying ALL of our bills including things like my cell, bc I just work part time. The thing is - he borrowed $300 from me in July and STILL hasn't paid me back.

Any advice as to how I should respond?

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Any advice as to how I should respond?

Yes: don't.


Puppy