Now you're tip toeing? And I didn't even get a hug .... geesh, it's 'cause I'm Canadian isn't it?
Hell, Shel was even asking for the 2x4s!
Manic Monday Madness! Hey Shel, you got any of that fruity wine you drink? I've already poured a gin and diet 7 ... I just might be in the room tonight looking for company!
(((((hugs))))) to you girl ... it sucks. And I'm afraid, that's all I've got left for today.
PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
Thanks guys. I appreciate it. It's been a rough few weeks.
Another update... just 'cuz the hits keep comin'.
I found out today that we are going to have to take one day a pay of low census time. I work three twelve hour shifts. I'm going down to 60 hours a pay.
60.
I won't have any vacation time to help cover it, so I'm down that income. Period.
I called H to tell him what was going on & to tell him that I really needed him to start helping out financially. I don't think it's unfair. I asked if we could have a conversation, he kept bringing up the past. How this was my fault, how I should ask my father to lower my rent, how everyone else should "step up"--everyone BUT him.
I don't want to argue. I just need him to start helping. The email I sent him about taking the kids while I'm recovering has him taking them every weekend in September. I know it sounds like a lot, but it's really only FOUR extra days that month... for a total of eight. Eight days. Seriously...
You'd think I'd asked him for 10K to go on vacation. "What is it you think you need?"
Clothes. Shoes. Food. Medicine.
ALL for the kids. jackass.
He was so nasty, I told him I was hanging up & then I did.
I got home to a message on the answering machine saying that he fully intended to take care of his kids, but I was going to have to wait. He'd be finished with college in a year & he'd help then.
A year. I'll just tell winter that it needs to wait a year because the boys need new coats. I'll tell the doctor's offices that I'll gladly pay them next YEAR for services rendered today.
I just want to beat my head against a wall with him some days.
I cried & vented & carried on for about an hour (my deepest gratitude for the person who opted to listen to ALL of it). Then I stopped, made a phone call to another therapist who has told me before she needs help with her CPAP patients & thought about looking for a bartending gig somewhere. I don't know how, but I'm a fast learner. ;o)
I have no problem with going back to waiting tables if it helps. The only other option is finding a per diem job in one of the bigger cities, like Cleveland, Columbus or Cincinnati. At the least I'll have an hour & a half drive one way. Three hours if I go to Cinnci. I'd be better off bartending closer to home & saving the gas money. kwim?
Eff him. Seriously... WTFever, H.
This little stunt? Yeah, it hurts right now... but when I'm done & have found my way through it, the only thing you will have accomplished is forcing me to be a little more self reliant. A little stronger. A little more determined. That will never be a bad thing.
Excuse me, H, but I need to get to steppin'. (nickel whoever grabs it first at this point)
But don't be surprised that all of this steppin' leads me to just steppin' right on over you while you insist on lying on the floor, in a little whineyass ball, waiting for someone to come & pick you up, babe.
You can knock me down but you won't break me. No matter how hard you try.
Just thought I'd share. Thanks for listening.
formerly known as "shelbel" Me 40, stbxh 40 DSs 9, 7 & 3 M9, T10 Stbxh is a diagnosed bipolar & an addict. The end.
I called H to tell him what was going on & to tell him that I really needed him to start helping out financially. I don't think it's unfair. I asked if we could have a conversation, he kept bringing up the past. How this was my fault, how I should ask my father to lower my rent, how everyone else should "step up"--everyone BUT him.
BR,
Listen, did you really expect him to say he would help?
You should know by now, that you CANNOT rely on him.
The sooner you figure that out, the better off you will be.
I know it sucks. I know that in the real world it would be nice to have the help even if the marriage is over. But this is not the real world exactly...
This is MLC land and you are setting yourself up for these hour long cry fests if you keep asking him for help.
The only help you are going to get is help that he decides to give, and it won't be help that you ask for at this point.
Why?
Because that is you having expectations of him. You keeping him attached to you in some way. You controlling the situation. You not accepting what he has asked you for.
However, when you don't give him what he wants, it is you being cruel, you walking away from him, you being the monster that he turned you into in his head.
Do you see how no matter what you do, right now, you are not going to be right?
This has to run it's course before you will get any sort of real and genuine cooperation from him.
While it is good for you to get this out, you have to find a way to get yourself to a place where this is not something that sets you off for any length of time anymore. Especially when your PMA needs to be strong. You have some tough shiat coming down the road...Stuff that you need to be able to put all of your energy into.
So, what can you do to help yourself? Without having to rely on him?
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
You can knock me down but you won't break me. No matter how hard you try.
Write this on 10,000 post it and stickem all over the house.
Don't just say it....live it.
How do you live it? You do not ask him for Sh*t! You "act as if" you are a single parent.
I know you can do it and so do you. It just sucks.....know what...it may not suck forever.
Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Listen, did you really expect him to say he would help?
Lol... yeah, actually I did. Pretty dumb, huh?
This isn't piddly ass little "do as I say" crap... this is the welfare of his children. I honestly thought that would mean something to him. I thought he was a better man than this. This is the part that just floors me.
Shows you how much I know.
Correction, I know it... I just didn't bother to put that knowledge into play today. I don't know why I'm still surprised by his actions. Nothing should surprise me by this point, but it does.
One day he doesn't want it to be final because he wants the added grants for school. The next day he's telling me that finalizing it is the only way I'm going to get a dime from him. He has no idea wtf he's talking about right now... I need to not listen.
I have to rely on myself, Cat. You're right. I have too much going on. Not surprisingly, he hasn't even asked me about it. he has not a clue. He *thinks* he knows, but he has never asked. And I have never volunteered any information because I just don't want to deal with him. Someone said it last night... the only thing I can expect from him is pain.
"Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional."
Don't ask me where I read that today... prolly here somewhere.
I don't have an exact plan of action yet, Cat. I just know that I have a couple of different options right now. None of which involve turning to him. I do, however, find it ironic that *I'm* debating getting another job on top of everything I have to do now while H can't find the time or energy to find the first one.
Eric... thanks. I've been acting like a single parent for son long... it should be second nature. I haven't had a husband, in the truest sense of the word, in a couple of years.
You're right, though. It's not forever. Sky is the limit as far as my future goes.
Nana & Poppa are taking us out to eat for the kids' first day back to school.
Thank God for Nana & Poppa. And my friends. And the people who can see the truth from where they stand & don't need me to tell them. And keep us in their prayers.
Thank God for all of you.
Last edited by beingreal; 08/24/1009:11 PM.
formerly known as "shelbel" Me 40, stbxh 40 DSs 9, 7 & 3 M9, T10 Stbxh is a diagnosed bipolar & an addict. The end.
I swear it's the full moon, because all the MLC'rs are howling like wolves. Everyone seems to be getting a ration of sh*t from there H/W these days.
I really liked what you said about knocking you down but not breaking you. It reminded me of the last thing I said when my H left, " I don't quit". You are tough, and you can take it. You are suffering moreso for your kids than yourself. Wish I could take it away for you, but know that as bad as today seems, tomorrow will be better. Or worse. Who the hell knows when dealing with MLC'rs. Anyway, (((HUGS)))
