Four and a half years of dbing. We are about to go to drop off our son at the university he is transferring to. Son asked me if he could ask his dad to come and I said yes. Then his Dad asked me not to come. I was flabbergasted.
Dad had apologized for the affairs, for the hurt he has caused. I accepted. I apologized for my part, for being temperamental, for seeming dissatisfied. He did not accept, keeps bringing up all my faults.
I am about to have the big talk to see if we are going to try to make it work. Only problem is, after so many years of holding on, now I am no longer sure that I want him back! I must be nuts considering how hard I have researched and studied and thought and prayed and practiced dbing to want to quit now, when the object of my work is in sight.
Somehow though, now when he is ungenerous in his words or actions I feel disgusted and tired. I do not want to put up with his self-centered pity any longer. I am a person too! He sees nothing but himself and I grow impatient. For example, our 17 1/2 year old daughter doesn't want to visit him or for him to come home. He left when she was 12 1/2 and she was so hurt and traumatized. She struggled in school, she became depressed, she saw me hurt and sad and dealt with that etc. Finally, she is emotionally sore but somewhat better. She says that she may see him someday but she feels too "vulnerable and fragile" to deal with him right now. My husband goes on and on about how I turned her against him. He can't imagine that perhaps he himself created such a hurt in her that she might not care to see him?
I grow weary and really, at this point, don't know that I care whether we divorce or not. All our kids will be gone from the house by next Sept.. I just don't know.
