So, Doodi, your husband reacts with emotion. He uses everything he knows that thinks worked in the past, he is panicking and rides his own cruel rollercoaster. It takes months on these boards and some very "experienced" veterans giving 2x4s for many LBSs to finally manage self control and quit trying to control the WAS. Your husband is no different.
I think that is very similiar to what AJ is pointing out. The best thing to do is model healthy behavior to change the dynamics of the realtionship.
Boundaries would be a great place to start. Sounds like you both need a lesson in it and you are here so you get the homework. Validation would be another healthy behavior to model, your H is clueless on acknowledging others feelings.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
