How To Tell The Kids

[pookie69]

When in Amsterdam do you get a dagwood sandwich, or just a piece of lettuce on the bread?

In one part of town there are all shapes and sizes. Examine the condiments carefully though.

[Ready2Change]

Hi Dan,

Back to an earlier discussion about attraction:

First impressions are huge, so be at your best at all times.

1) Start off by living a healthy lifestyle. Make healthy choices when eating. Drink plenty of water. Get good sleep. Exercise regularly. Take care of your body. Set a goal to reach, and then maintain, your ideal weight.

2) Make good grooming and hygiene a ritual. Accentuate the differences between the sexes.

3) Dress with style - fit, compliment, cohesive, unique, personal touch

4) Attitude (state of mind) – Happy (smile), Cool (Open and relaxed body language), Calm (slow), Confident (eye contact), humorous, seductive (ozz sex), Depth (mysterious, surprise ), Sincere , Interesting, Engaging

5) Awareness/Flirting ( 93% of communication is non verbal (body language) – study and enjoy what you find attractive and your body will naturally follow your thoughts. It is the ladies job to catch and hold a mans eye, several times if needed. This signals it is OK for him to approach. It is the mans job to approach the woman. Do not hesitate in the approach.

[Onthemountaintop]

Can't get my mind off of the sex thing lately though.

If it helps...it was a religious holiday and I conviced W to try and make it a good one for our kids despite being very close to a D. I decided to surprise them and went over last night, had dinner, dyed my girls hair, and then stayed overnight...which led to sex.

But it sucked...and I don't mean literally

When a R is safe and comfortable, then passion makes everything feel right. Don't get me wrong, as a guy, sex is still sex. But when D is looming and hope is failing, it just doesn't feel like it does when you're alone and thinking back to great days gone past.

Plus...sex is like food for guys, even if it is rare we have that need, yes? But like a food craving, it will pass.

The real question might be why now? What is reminding you about it today? Is it just physical and mast. doesn't cut it, or is it emotional and you're looking for feeling loved/valuable/needed? If you can find the trigger, maybe you'll get through your next batch of "withdrawl" soon.

[DanF]

I understand what you are saying OMT. The last few times W and I had sex it just didn't feel right. She was totally not into it at all and it kind of made me sick. But that was 6 months ago. I need a sandwich really badly!!!

I had a pretty good weekend, but have struggled through it at times too. I moved 2 weekends ago and last weekend I had the kids and spent time with my family. This weekend, it is only me.

I had some friends over on Friday night and we had a lot of fun, but I ended the night breaking down missing W. On Sat I spent the day here along just resting. I am so worn out by all of this.

Today was my first Packer's game and football weekend without W or my family in so many years I can't even remember how long it has been. I have been gone for 2 weeks and have hardly spoken to W at all in that time. I feel like she doesn't care at all and I continue to be a broken down mess. Not all the time, but I am really struggling with this at times.

I miss W so much and I don't know what to do anymore. I have been on dating websites, but haven't followed up on anything. I just don't know if it is right. If I thought W and I were destined to get back together, I wouldn't even care, but it is hard to just sit here when I think this R is hopeless. She isn't coming back.

I've never (ever in my whole life) been alone before and I don't know what to do with myself. When I am idle I can't think about anything but W and the kids. I have ordered some books, but they are taking forever to get here. I should be budgeting and figuring out where this is going to go, but I really need a break from it all. I just wish I could let go and be fine, but I can't.

Thanks to all for your continued support through these difficult times. I'm sure I will be fine, but it is just so hard. I hope she is feeling it too.

[Onthemountaintop]

This weekend, it is only me.

Why not take the kids each weekend?

I've never (ever in my whole life) been alone before and I don't know what to do with myself. When I am idle I can't think about anything but W and the kids.

I get that, too. It is easy to GAL when you're life doesn't revolve around being the person you thought you'd be/were (father, husband, etc.) For the guys that spend each Sat night out and always have, GAL might be easier. The thinking (and overthinking) really drove me nuts and obliterated my summer. Maybe that is grieving the likely death of a loved (even when sick) relationship.

Monday is here....and with it comes many things to get done that aren't about our wives.

Drink up the day before night arrives!

[A_goodman]

Dan,

I have a crazy thought. Have you got a lot of tools? I always wanted to have more time to build stuff. I have some nice power tools and can use them ok, but I've always wanted to really build something nice and dvelop some skills. When I do build something, it takes forever and a ton of concentration. I still usually f it up somehow, but others have said that I'm just being hard on myself.

You see where I'm going? Don't your kids still need some furnature? It might be nice for them to have something Dad made all by himself. And brother will it kill some down time.

Just an idea, but whatever you can do to focus your mind on something will help during these times. Plus, the vets are always saying "take up something new and outside your comfort zone". I think this might be the reason.

Got your back bro.

[DanF]

Thanks for the advice guys.

OMT, court order is that W and I have alternate weekends with the kids. I suppose I could ask her for some time on the saturday or Sunday that isn't mine, since she has them most of the rest of the time. Don't really want to rock the boat though.

AG, I do have quite a few tools, but I suck at building anything. Maybe I just don't have the patience for it. You are probably right though, I probably do need to find something new to do to challenge myself, or maybe I should just focus on some old pursuits that I kind of gave up on. I used to hunt and fish quite a bit and those activites can kill some time. Should probably get back out on the golf course too. They have some great deals going on fall rates.

I also have a TON to do at work, but I can't seem to stay focused. I thought football would help more, but it just makes me remember watching games with W and the family. I guess I just need to find some new people to watch games with. Will have the kids next weekend, so that will help. Then I am off to Europe for a week. I suppose I could be doing some research on what to do there to keep my mind occupied.

Thanks again guys!

[Ready2Change]

I've never (ever in my whole life) been alone before and I don't know what to do with myself. When I am idle I can't think about anything but W and the kids.

Hi Dan,

It was very important to me to get to a point where I enjoyed being alone. Morn the loss of the M alone. I turn music up loud, sing the lyrics. The sad ones, the happy ones. I feel all the emotions.

Letting go of the past and getting my focus into the present also took work.

When I feel lonely, I go out to Starbucks. Always people there. I know each of the staff. I meet local customers....

Do Work. - Keep your mind focus on goals and responsibility.

[bluestar]

Hi Dan, at first this might seem like a bogus suggestion, but it really can help...have you thought about getting a pet for your new place? My cat really helped get me through some of the loneliest nights. It also helps to have someone who's always happy to have you home.

[james217]

I've started a new thread to play by the board rules.

First Thread

Second Thread


My situation at the moment is that my W has filed for D and we have had our initial Hearing for a Temporary Order.

Rather than try the case with the existing Court Commissioner, my attorney suggested that I accept the settlement she negotiated with W's attorney.

I will be moving out of my house on 8/29/10 and will have my kids on Wednesday nights and every other Friday, Saturday and Sunday night.

I have found a very nice place to live and am actually looking forward to moving away from W.

We are going to try to agree on splitting our possessions on Wednesday night and we have court ordered Mediation for the placement of our children next monday. I will ask for 50% share placement and will not settle for anything less. If we have to go back to court, I will do so.

I have pretty much fully detached from W and am feeling good about my future again, which is in stark contrast to feeling distraught only a few short months ago.

Thanks to all for your continued support on this site. I know I can do this and I know I can be happy again. I already am!!!

yea youll be fine man. just takes awhile to climb over that hill. I just told my boys honestly. At first I didn't have the courage to even talk about it but I finally explained everything to both of them and that was the best instead of leading them on and giving them a false sense of hope