You really don't need any further information about your W. She has proven time and time again, in the most dramatic fashion I might add, her manipulation tactics are premeditated and quite refined. No further discussion is necessary at this time. Until she comes to you and *asks* you if you would still like to work on the R AND she has a plan in place to do so, things are best left as is.
For now, get something in writing about the schedule for your son. At the very least have it all documented in writing.
It is essential you talk to an attny ASAP. IMO you made a very, very grave mistake by telling your W to go to the bank and take out half the money. While you might live in a 50/50 state there are other things to consider that *could* change the 50/50 division of liquid assets. Angry WAS's who are not getting their way tend to use very fuzzy math to fuel their entitlement.
Your W walked out without an income to support herself or any sort of "life plan" in place. Had her aunt not taken her in she would not even have a roof over her head as she is unable to afford a home of her own. Financially she is in a very, very desperate position and desperate people tend to do desperate things when they are backed in a corner. Be mindful of the finances and put an action plan in place. DO NOT offer any financial support until a skilled attny advises you to do so. Unless you are advised to do so by counsel, DO NOT begin to set a precedent with weekly checks to cover her expenses.
Personally, I would make sure she had an appropriate amount of money to get her through next week and use that time to restructure the finances and speak to an attny. Her behavior has proven mediation is not the productive route to take.
I would let things cool down for the weekend. Let her know early next week you will be closing down the joint account and she will need to open her own account. She will make noise and try and convince you it's not fair and it's punishment and blah blah blah. I simple "I'm sorry you feel that way" will suffice and go about your business in a calm way. Do not direct her, suggest things to her or help her.
You have a small child and a bank account in which she has access to - and for the angry and manipulative WAS both of those entities are (sadly) often used as weapons.
Al of the above *can* be done in a non threatening way. Nobody is suggesting you be an a-hole about it but it's part of the process that must begin Monday.
Being compassionate and standing up for yourself is not mutually exclusive. Being compassionate does not mean being a doormat and it certainly is not dependent on whether or not the WAW shows compassion (How often does that happen?)
Yes, John has been too easy on her, but we don't want him swinging the other way and for all we know he is perfectly calm now. I was just reminding him that he needs to do the right thing for the right reasons, not out of anger. Yes, anger can help you move towards detachment, but it's not a place you want to stay. Don't we already know this?
You have a small child and a bank account in which she has access to - and for the angry and manipulative WAS both of those entities are (sadly) often used as weapons.
Al of the above *can* be done in a non threatening way. Nobody is suggesting you be an a-hole about it but it's part of the process that must begin Monday.
Yeah, what she said
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
Being compassionate and standing up for yourself is not mutually exclusive. Being compassionate does not mean being a doormat and it certainly is not dependent on whether or not the WAW shows compassion (How often does that happen?)
Yes, John has been too easy on her, but we don't want him swinging the other way and for all we know he is perfectly calm now. I was just reminding him that he needs to do the right thing for the right reasons, not out of anger. Yes, anger can help you move towards detachment, but it's not a place you want to stay. Don't we already know this?
I dont' disagree, but compassion is no substitute for justice either.
I think John did fine with his controlled anger. Telling him that he somehow lacks compassion may undo everything that he just accomplished.
Being compassionate and standing up for yourself is not mutually exclusive. Being compassionate does not mean being a doormat and it certainly is not dependent on whether or not the WAW shows compassion (How often does that happen?)
Yes, John has been too easy on her, but we don't want him swinging the other way and for all we know he is perfectly calm now. I was just reminding him that he needs to do the right thing for the right reasons, not out of anger. Yes, anger can help you move towards detachment, but it's not a place you want to stay. Don't we already know this?
I dont' disagree, but compassion is no substitute for justice either.
I think John did fine with his controlled anger. Telling him that he somehow lacks compassion may undo everything that he just accomplished.
It must be contagious.
I don't believe that I ever told him he lacks compassion. If you can point out where I did that I will apologize. Reinforcing the principles of GAL, detachment, and compassion should not undermine anyone's accomplishments.
But I will withdraw from this thread as it seems that this sitch is different from all others.
Sorry, John. I was just hoping to help bring down the heat a little. I don't blame you for being angry. We all go there, but it isn't healthy for anyone to stay there.
How many times has she told you it's over? These WAW's are so ridiculous! They repeatedly say there is no hope, they are done, they don't want to work on the M anymore, blah, blah, blah. But then they use this threat of "Now it's REALLY over" as a method of control. It's OUTRAGEOUS! Don't stand for it.
Yes, true. However, if they ever tell you "It's really, really, really, really, REALLY, SUPER-DUPER over!" . . . then watch out!!!
