I want to be crystal clear on this. Her utmost fear is that I will Lawyer Up. Why? Because my family's pockets are a 1000 times deeper than hers. And, she doesn't have the $ to hire one. She is deathly afraid of this.
I think her words once were, "If we go get lawyers and you get your parents involved, it is completely over and there is no going back."
So, I haven't played that card yet. It's my ace in the hole. Not sure when to play it. I think I will take this weekend to go dark, detach, get calmed down, then re-evaluate.
If I get a L, there is no way in hell she will see that as defensive. At that point it's ON like DONKEY KONG.
How many times has she told you it's over? These WAW's are so ridiculous! They repeatedly say there is no hope, they are done, they don't want to work on the M anymore, blah, blah, blah. But then they use this threat of "Now it's REALLY over" as a method of control. It's OUTRAGEOUS! Don't stand for it.
The further I get from my situation, the more I see the truth in all this. The fact that the WAW uses the LBS's desire to save the M as a weapon of control is beyond selfish. It's vicious.
I think her words once were, "If we go get lawyers and you get your parents involved, it is completely over and there is no going back."
BS don't buy it she is controling you
M40, W 37 M 11 1/2 y T 13 y D filed 5-18-10 S 5-29-10 OM1 discovered 6-5-10 Counter sued for d 6-16-10 OM2 discovered 8-10-10 OM3, OM4 4 kids 10, 7, & 3 D date 10-14-10 http://tiny.cc/mxzct
moot point folks. her attorney fees will most likely be written into the settlement and Johnny will end up paying for them in the end. one way or the other. she aint got no job. primary caregiver. had to drop out of school due to all the stress you are causing her.
I like what TH said.
Play her game:
You are already proving she responds as expected when the tables get turned.
Bravo!! John. I'm glad you finally saw through her crap and decided to do what is right for YOU and YOUR SON. Just remember how unstable and manipulative she can be when she feels she's losing control.
Be prepared for her to dig into her bag of tricks: anything goes. Threats, Attempting suicide, taking your son, claiming abuse, going child services, police reports, etc.
I would be very careful of having any more confrontations alone with her in the house. As much as you can bring a witness with you.
Based on what you have described from the past there is no telling what she is capable of doing.
Listen to PMA. The WAW will start to do some crazy things. Have a recorder with you, a witness, do not escalate anything. Get that lawyer for goodness sake. You have nothing to lose at this point.
"I've decided that I am not going to go to this weekend with you. I will not force you to go, and you do not want to go. Would you mind taking S4 for the weekend?" I said.
She was dumbfounded. I really don't think she expected me to do this. REALLY. She said, "Ok. Uhm. Well where are you going this weekend? What are you doing?"
Way to go, John! I am very proud of you!
Originally Posted By: futureunknown
How many times has she told you it's over? These WAW's are so ridiculous! They repeatedly say there is no hope, they are done, they don't want to work on the M anymore, blah, blah, blah. But then they use this threat of "Now it's REALLY over" as a method of control. It's OUTRAGEOUS! Don't stand for it.
The further I get from my situation, the more I see the truth in all this. The fact that the WAW uses the LBS's desire to save the M as a weapon of control is beyond selfish. It's vicious.
This could not be more accurate. And John, it is a great idea to get some legal advice. She's been playing games for awhile and you just FLIPPED the script (her own darn script) on her and now she is feeling like a ding dong. :)Well done! She did not expect you to ever do anything but cry beg and plead for her to come back to you and well, you did the exact opposite which has put her into a tailspin.
Detach. Be compassionate. Move forward with your life.
Empathy is all fine and well, and I actually endorse it. There's also reality, however. And I am not convinced there's a lot (or much of any) empathy for him coming from his wife: it's all about her being in control and getting what she wants.
That's fine. She wants a divorce, she wants him to pay for it, she wants him to do it when and how she wants it done and in such a way that he probably winds up with little in terms of co-parenting. In short, she's jumping ship, and she wants him to be the lifeboat until she finds another ship.
She has every right to choose to jump ship. He has every right to protect himself, his child, and his assets.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
Detach. Be compassionate. Move forward with your life.
Empathy is all fine and well, and I actually endorse it. There's also reality, however. And I am not convinced there's a lot (or much of any) empathy for him coming from his wife: it's all about her being in control and getting what she wants.
That's fine. She wants a divorce, she wants him to pay for it, she wants him to do it when and how she wants it done and in such a way that he probably winds up with little in terms of co-parenting. In short, she's jumping ship, and she wants him to be the lifeboat until she finds another ship.
She has every right to choose to jump ship. He has every right to protect himself, his child, and his assets.
You keep saying that. I am going to tell you something, and I am being straight with you:
John is a compassionate guy. John's problem has not been that he lacked compassion. His problem has been that he has not stood up for himself.
IMHO, John doesn't need to be reminded to be compassionate.
The poor guy is having panic attacks over his marriage problems and the fact that his wife is checking out of this marriage and maninpulating him quite well, and telling him to be compassionate when he finally stands up to her is, in my opinion, destructive and bad advice.
Last edited by TimeHeals; 09/10/1006:36 PM.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
