If I get a L, there is no way in hell she will see that as defensive. At that point it's ON like DONKEY KONG.
It doesn't matter how SHE sees it.
What matters is what it IS ... and what is The Right Thing to Do.
It is nothing short of WISE to retain, and consult with, the best attorney you can afford. It doesn't mean you have to pull the trigger on anything. If she finds out, and she says something to you, just say "Considering where we are right now, I felt it wise to get some good legal advice," and leave it at that.
