To clarify, I don't think that all WASs and all LBSs want there Ms back or would even try to reconcile. I don't, I wouldn't, I'm glad that my first M ended in divorce. Why? Because now I see the problems in the M, the mismatch, the lackings, the things that would never go away. Life is much better now.
Now, I certainly wish neither I nor XH had to go through D. But it is an odd sort of wish, it would be a wish to have never been married the first time, or a wish to have been married to someone else, someone with whom the M would have worked.
But, I have no doubt that when XH and I got married, we both very much wanted a successful happy marriage with each other. Losing that hurts the LBS and the WAS, allow the WASs their pain, allow them their grief. It is just as real and tragic as the LBSs. Hating is a short-term fix -- a drug that helps the LBS with the pain and loss, but hating isn't healing.
