Not quite how I would have delivered the message, but in your sitch it was probably as good as you could have done. Perhaps not so much anger from you, but your frustration is understandable.
NOW STICK WITH IT.
I agree with that but he stood his ground and that's what matters right now. She's a drama queen and anger played well in this script.
I dropped S4 off, she was -still- in bed at 9:00am. Went up to her room, woke her up. Told her our son was here, and I was leaving. She said, "Aren't you supposed to tell me something?"
"I've decided that I am not going to go to this weekend with you. I will not force you to go, and you do not want to go. Would you mind taking S4 for the weekend?" I said.
She was dumbfounded. I really don't think she expected me to do this. REALLY. She said, "Ok. Uhm. Well where are you going this weekend? What are you doing?"
I looked at her blankly and said, "I'm taking care of myself now. I'm probably going to the weekend by myself. I won't be here this weekend, so can you watch our son?"
She said yes, then tried to argue with me that she 'said I would go and I was willing to do this', but I just said, "no need to argue anymore. You do not want to go. The only reason you are going is because you want to keep your word. Not to work on this M. Not to work with me, only to keep your word. I'm releasing you of that obligation. So now, you aren't going."
She kept trying to argue that she said she was willing to do this even though she didn't want to, yada yada yada, I said no need to argue, you don't want to go and I will not be made to feel like I am forcing you. She said Ok finally, and I walked downstairs to hug S4 and tell him goodbye.
I asked her if I could pick up my S4 on Monday night when I got back and off of work. She said, "Uhh, you just come in here and tell me that you are changing the schedule like that, I don't know. That's not your night to have him."
I was tired of her BS. I told her I wasn't telling her, I was asking if I could have him. She said she didn't know - so I said, OK what is my night to have him? She said Thur/Fri/Sun. I said I would be here next Thursday and that was fine, that I would wait a week to see my son, that's not a problem (definitely passive agressive). She started to feel bad and said lets talk. I said NO, we have NOTHING to talk about anymore.
She walked outside trying to talk to me and I stayed another 3 minutes or so and she said 'We need to talk, let's have dinner, let's work out a schedule, let's talk about this' I just told her I was done talking. Send me a schedule of whatever she wants and that's fine, I don't care anymore. I'm done with all this, I'm done fighting, I'm done talking, just send me whatever.
Again, she tried the 'let's talk' crap, and I just told her NO, send me something. I'm done. Do it. Leaving she said, "You need to call our friend who was supposed to watch him this weekend and tell her he's not coming."
As I was walking to my car I said, "That's your responsibility now. You have him for the weekend. You also need to let our son know that he won't be having a sleepover with his friends."
And left.
She called me. I silenced it. She called again. Silenced. She called again, I picked up. "That was wrong of you to say that, that was so wrong!" I told her "No, it wasn't. He is yours this weekend. If you want him to still see his friends and have a sleepover that is your choice. You need to call and figure it out. He's your responsibility this weekend."
<INSERT STUPID DRAMA HERE BY W>
Then she brings up custody. How we need to talk about it. I told her that I will not talk to her right now, respect me for that. She says we need to work out a schedule, I tell her SEND ME WHATEVER YOU WANT. She says I want to work with you. I'm just beyond her at this point.
Then she says "I'll go to you on this weekend for Fri/Sat! I want to go." But i KNOW she only wants to go so she can 'talk' to me about this crap. So I tell her no, she doesn't WANT to go, she is just manipulating me into getting what she wants, which is to be my FRIEND and TALK to me about this. I tell her probably 5 times to STOP MANIPULATING ME. She says she's not. I'm SO mad at this point.
Then she brings up mediation and L's and sh!t. I tell her:
"W, today you need to go to the bank. Get a statement. Take out half the money. That's yours. Then, we'll do mediation. I will not pay for anything other than my fair share. I will match you dollar for dollar on this. But, you need to get a job. I won't pay for all of this"
She goes into the whole 'My fulltime job was SAHM and that money is ours and I shouldn't have to pay for this because I supported you and our family and what money you earn is fairly mine' and that proceeds to me telling her that when she left that wasn't a fulltime job anymore, etc. She threatens to go get a L on her own. I say fine, do whatever you want. She backs down. She then goes BACK into the "we need to talk" crap. I say no. Then she says, "I need to use the printer at the house" I tell her I'll leave it on the front porch. She is sad, says she'll leave her key at the house. I say fine, whatever you want to do. She asks when I'll be at the house. I tell her noon to 1pm. She says she'll just come by then. I say fine, but don't talk to me when you get here. RESPECT THE FACT THAT I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU.
Finally, I just bust out and say: "LOOK. YOU DON'T WANT TO BE WITH ME. YOU DON'T WANT TO BE MARRIED TO ME. YOU DON'T WANT ME. YOU WANT TO BE ALONE AND ON YOUR OWN. YOU ONLY WANT MY MONEY. THAT'S IT. DEAL WITH THE CONSEQUENCES."
Good GOD what a F LOAD of DRAMA. She's F'ING DRAMA QUEEN.
I agree I could have handled it with less anger. But the more she kept trying to talk to me the ANGRIER I got. I think at one point I told her that I could not talk to her because she was making me angry and I would say something out of anger that I didn't want to, and she needed to respect that I could not talk. But she kept on. And I got angrier.
----"Et tu, Brute?"---- me:28 W:24 S4 T:6 M:4 EA Exposed: 5/21/10 Bomb: 6/20/10 (Father's Day) NC w/ OM: 7/10/10 W moved out 8/21/10 http://bit.ly/aOrZne - My sitch
You did well John. And the anger was probably long overdue.
Now be ready for her to come at you with everything in her handbag. Tagging, guilt, pity, you name it, she'll be trying to get you back under control. All her responses to you when you told her not to bother with a partial Retro visit were designed to keep you under control.
Just keep humming the Rolling Stones: "Under my thumb"
I agree I could have handled it with less anger. But the more she kept trying to talk to me the ANGRIER I got. I think at one point I told her that I could not talk to her because she was making me angry and I would say something out of anger that I didn't want to, and she needed to respect that I could not talk. But she kept on. And I got angrier.
See it could have been worse. I think you inserted a right amount of anger and kept it under control.
Well done John. Now hold this hill you just occupied.
Now be ready for her to come at you with everything in her handbag. Tagging, guilt, pity, you name it, she'll be trying to get you back under control. All her responses to you when you told her not to bother with a partial Retro visit were designed to keep you under control.
Just keep humming the Rolling Stones: "Under my thumb"
BINGO. You beat me to it, Pinhead -- I was about to advise the same thing.
Just smile and wave, John. Go dark for the weekend (your daughter is in capable hands), and enjoy your time with your dad. This will be a great new test of self-restraint for you. If you need support to NOT respond, come back on here and someone will talk you down from the ledge, LOL.
Get a danged bulldog attorney because you need to protect you and your child. You are not a victim anymore. Get ahead of her. You can do this. Boy Scout Motto: Be Prepared.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
Get a danged bulldog attorney because you need to protect you and your child. You are not a victim anymore. Get ahead of her. You can do this. Boy Scout Motto: Be Prepared.
