Where does the WAW go

[Doodi]

This is pretty common from the married women I've known. They minimize their needs for their husband's wants and desires. And it's a hard thing to overcome. My wife is so paralyzed over hurting everyone in our family, she can't even THINK about what she needs in a rational sense.

This is how I feel but I'm trying so hard to accept the fact that what I want/need is going to hurt my family...at least for awhile. I'm trying to get the change I need with minimal damage. Unfortunately, that's not working.

You really should not expect him to "just figure it out". You haven't. He is not a mind reader and not a god. He can't snap his fingers and know what you don't know about you.

I thought I had, but obviously the things I said were to vague. I feel like I'm patronizing him when I say "If you do ____, then I'll have to do______." But at this point I guess I have to put it out there and hope it works. Nothing else has.

Learning to stand up is a good thing. But it is change and he isn't in the same place in the relationship as you are.
Change is painful, right? I imagine it is for him as well. And since he hasn't initiated the change and sees you in pain, he gets a double whammy. Makes people crazy and makes them see-saw back and forth.

I don't think my change is painful to me individually, but the reactions to it are killing me. My H has been comfortable with a subservient wife and now I'm standing up for myself...that's tough on both of us.

He has admitted that when things start to go south, his first instinct is to destroy. He comes at me hard until I start to crumble and THEN he will listen.

That's kinda what happened last night. Once I reached my breaking point and could take no more, then he wanted to talk. By then, I couldn't take anymore. Simply mentioning working on the R was a terrifying concept. I couldn't imagine going through anymore days having my spirit being broke down just because he disagreed with me or was having a bad day.

Gettith out of thy house and go for a walk.

I cannot stress enough that when you are emotionally drained, or tired, you are vulnerable to making bad decisions. And physical activity is a way to increase your energy levels. It will also release endorphins that will aid in emotional well-being and mental acuity.

I am a walker. Not only that I'm a gym rat too. I didn't used to be. I've lost over 60 lbs in the past year because of my "me time". He accuses me of wanting to leave him because I've lost the wait. Before you go there, I can assure you it's not. I still have a ways to go and I could care less about finding someone else. I know that my weight loss is because I was finally strong enough to say I'm going no matter what you say.

I have to say that part of the problem yesterday was emotional exhaustion stacked on top of the physical exhaustion. Yesterday I got real close to over training. I was at the gym for 2 hrs (cardio/weights), then after the first blow up H wanted to go for a walk together so I did that, and finally my son (who is pudgy) actually asked me to take him to the gym so of course I did. By the end of the day I had actually walked over 10 miles.


I'm still here and I'm not running out the door. I was just beat down yesterday. I know the wall went back up a little yesterday but I'm still here.

Thanks for all your kind words. I will admit that I was worried about what I would find on here this morning. My H has told me for years that it's my fault that things bother me and if I would just suck it up my life wouldn't be so bad. H has always says it's not his fault the things he says bother me, I just have to learn to deal with it. So when I had my meltdown yesterday, I was all ready for you guys to tell me to shut it, deal and stop being so sensitive. So thanks.

Still here,
Doodi