Going home......................

[Albuquerque]

I'll put in my two cents. My H had a "regular" affair (I realize there is no such thing) nearly 10 years ago. I found out, confronted, and we got through it. There were definitely issues in our marriage at the time and I knew we were becoming more and more distant. He was remorseful and took responsibility and I took blame for my part in not making the marriage as strong as it should have been. But there were definite warning signs if I had cared to look.

Now that H is in MLC, it is totally different. He literally wrote me the most heartbreakingly romantic email less than a month before deciding he's never been in love with me. I can honestly say there were not warning signs of MARITAL issues. Looking back, I definitely see some subtle MLC changes. He is a DIFFERENT person right now. He has the weight of the world on his shoulders and its obvious. I don't see the OW as competition (as I rightfully did previously). I personally find the OW kind of sad if she feels that having a R with my H right now is a healthy thing. I know he's not right and to a certain extent, HE knows he's not right.

Puppy, you seemed very opposed to the idea that an LBS can know about an affair and NOT have that affect their self-esteem. I am fairly sure my H has an OW and my self-esteem is just fine. Because I know that any R he is having is NOT healthy.