Perspective

[AJM]

Something else that occurred to me. She might also say that she no longer loves me (reason not certain) - why won't he just accept that?!??
Her family can't figure it out. My family can't of course. To be honest, she really doesn't seem to know either. Just lives with her feelings and goes by it. Not sure why commitment isn't an issue, but I suspect depression and pressure have a lot to do with it. It may have a lot to do with why she can't give the kids much of her either (that's my opinion based on what the kids tell me and what I see when they cry on my shoulder.)
In the end, it's difficult to really say what she would say. But all along she has wanted me to divorce her. At one point she wanted to be the wounded spouse and went so far as to try and get me to hurt her physically. Thankfully that ended before too long. She tried to get me to be jealous. She tried to hide things.
Is there an OM? Quite possibly. Can I prove it? Nope. Does it matter? Also no. Not any longer.

Really can't figure it out. I've searched me. I can say it was very painful. I've found some things I needed to change. Not things towards her. Other areas of my life and relationships. I've been told by many friends and professionals that I likely won't be able to figure it out. I've been told that long after I'm gone she'll make her decision about what she wants. That may not happen, but then it might. I continue to wonder why she tries to control me or to irritate me by letting me know where she is going to be (as late as Tuesday she did that) or to guess at what I'm doing. Who knows? I don't. Can't see the future. Can't figure out her past. Can't figure out all the things she's said or why she treated me like her father and rebelled against me. For a long time I've felt like I've paid the price for somebody else's sins. There is a part of that. Don't know why or what they are.

I guess I'm venting a bit too. I'm done