Not sure where to start or end, WAW - #2

[john28]

Well, who the hell was it then? It sure wasn't me.

What does this even mean?

In regards to my panic attack, I don't think you understand what it's like. I've only had a mild one before compared to the one 2 days ago. I was in panic for over an hour. You have zero control over your body and emotions, you are going in and out of hyperventilation, and you are saying all kinds of stuff in between. I had zero control over anything, it felt like I was dying from the inside out. Ask anyone who's had one, they probably feel the same.

What was it that you told her during your panic attack? That you weren't going to pay for her seperation? That she needed to get a job?

That stuff is all true.

I am trying to understand. Really, I am.

No, I didn't say those things. I asked her to come home, to stop this, to be with me, to love me, to hold me, all the crap you aren't supposed to say. Then it turned into OMG how could you do this, you don't understand, why would you do this to someone you loved, I can't believe you are this person, etc.

It was a lot of blame, and she didn't like it.

[john28]

John,

I've been thinking about mood swings lately, and why both you and I seem to go through them so much.

Deep down, I've felt neglected by my wife; that I've sacrificed things for her to make her happy, but that for many years she hasn't made me feel special or important to her. And now that she's the WAS, it seems like I have to be the one to focus/concentrate on treating her well, making her happy, so on.

And that's the problem. I'm still looking for her to make me feel special and important to her; when clearly she doesn't feel that way. So I go through the week, with my frustration building up, expecting her to give me something that she can't.

Does this ring a bell?

DING DING DING. We have a winner!

Yes, I see that. I feel so unloved for so long, and now I'm having to do all this hard work? And she doesn't want to stay? What! But if I know that I hurt her and I'm trying to fix it, and she knows that she hurt me - why isn't she trying to fix it?

It's a one way road to despair, my friend.

That's why detaching is easier I think, and that's why everyone here advises us to do so from a WAW. Because they know trying and fighting *might* win some favor with the WAW, but it will cause more despair and pain than you are willing to put up with.

[TimeHeals]

I don't think you understand what it's like.

When I first went back to college, I had them sometimes. I'm not sure, but I think I was just very insecure about my abilities, and I was thinking I would drop out, still be doing crappy jobs, but I'd have student loans to pay off too.

That fear that I wouldn't "make it" caused some weirdness.

I remember standing in line at this Asian market when one came on (this is 25 years ago), and I could barely manage to stand in line and pay for what I was holding. I left, went to my car, got in, and I just layed there sweating.

I know what they are like. I just don't have that problem now.

why would you do this to someone you loved,

She wouldn't, John. But sometimes... people don't know how or even want to love us anymore.

[pinhead]

DING DING DING. We have a winner!

Yes, I see that. I feel so unloved for so long, and now I'm having to do all this hard work? And she doesn't want to stay? What! But if I know that I hurt her and I'm trying to fix it, and she knows that she hurt me - why isn't she trying to fix it?

Because although they know they're hurting you, they can't see anyway to stop THEIR pain except by leaving. We're collateral damage.

[pookie69]

I remember standing in line at this Asian market when one came on (this is 25 years ago), and I could barely manage to stand in line and pay for what I was holding. I left, went to my car, got in, and I just layed there sweating.

That's raciiiiiiiist

[john28]

John,

Deep down, I've felt neglected by my wife; that I've sacrificed things for her to make her happy, but that for many years she hasn't made me feel special or important to her....

And that's the problem. I'm still looking for her to make me feel special and important to her; when clearly she doesn't feel that way. So I go through the week, with my frustration building up, expecting her to give me something that she can't.

Does this ring a bell?

Let's put this in perspective here.

And how do you think our WAW feels pre-bomb?

Deep down, I've felt neglected by my wife husband; that I've sacrificed things for her him to make her him happy, but that for many years shehehasn't made me feel special or important to her him....

And that's the problem. I'm still looking for herhim to make me feel special and important to her him; when clearly she he doesn't feel that way. So I go through the week my life, with my frustration building up, expecting her him to give me something that shehe can't.

[pookie69]

And how do you think our WAW feels pre-bomb?

I can't mindread but Pinhead can speak for himself.

[john28]

W just called me to talk about Retrovaille this weekend.

Our friends who were watching S4 this weekend have to fly out at noon on Sunday. W said that she's not willing to ask her Aunt (who she is staying with) to watch S4 on Sunday, so she is only willing to go to Friday/Saturday Retrovaille.

She said that's her final offer. I offered to have our S4 to stay with some of our other friends, but she doesn't care. She says that she's not changing her mind

I offered to reschedule Retro, she said no way.

So, do I go for 1/2 of this or not? Is it even worth my time to go if I go to half of it? What should I do?

Oh, and in her words, "I'm really F'ing angry at you that you are MAKING me go to this weekend. I am still willing to go because I gave you my word. But I'm so F'ing angry at you. I don't want to work on this M with you and still you make me do things. I don't want to go to this weekend, but I'm still going because I gave you my word. I'm so F'ing tired of this."

Yeah. I asked her what she wanted to do, and that was what we were going to do. She just replied with, you know my offer, tell me tomorrow what you're doing.

She just made me feel like sh!t.

[john28]

Need some help on this guys. I feel like I should just say, "That's ok. If you feel like I'm making you go, then we won't go. But I will invite you to go in one month when it comes to our city nearby. If you are willing to go then, we'll go."

And leave it at that. What do I do? Or is it worth it to go for the Fri/Sat only and we'll get alot out of it? I don't know... need some help.

[Steve McQueen]

She just replied with, you know my offer, tell me tomorrow what you're doing.

perfect response:
Nevermind. new Itinerary. You mind having the boy this weekend? I'll pick him up Sunday afternoon.

substitute babysitting for having. maybe.