It is one thing to have a one night stand with someone and then realize it was a big mistake.
I even get the office fling thing.
Things happen, it doesn't make it right, but I get it.
The difference is with MLC the MLC'er is so screwed up mentally, they truly believe they are in love, and just like a wayward teen they feel they have to follow their heart.
They have no regard for who they hurt or what the consequences are. MLC is a mental illness.
With that being said, having an affair is not OK for anyone, regardless of their mental health.
Boundaries have to be enforced and the LBS has to protect themself, financially and emotionally.
Hi ... I'm gonna throw my two cents in here ... although I'm no infidelity or MLC expert.
Even non-MLCers believe they are in love and some believe they have to "follow their hearts" too. In both cases they are symptoms not the real problem.
The difference is WHAT they are symptoms OF, IMO.
A "regular affair" (and yes I shudder at that term but am using it for lack of a better one right now) seems to be a symptom of problems in marriage, immaturity, boredom, etc.
An "MLC affair" is a symptom of a crisis/illness within the individual which began in childhood and is now manifesting itself due to a stressor/trigger in the MLCer's life. They are running from themselves because of the extreme pain they experience if they attempt to deal with their issues. They can NOT work on the marriage, because even though it wasn't likely perfect, it really isn't the problem. Until they actually deal with their issues it is impossible to move forward. They cycle in and out if they try. Yes, they do need to be free of the A in order to face their issues, but unfortunately their readiness to do so happens on their timeline. You might be successful in busting the A even if it's MLC, but if the timing is wrong, if it's done before the MLCer is ready and willing to face their demons (and this isn't a timeframe, it's relative to the individual) you end up with an interupted MLC and a high likelyhood that it will repeat. They NEED to face their demons. We just CAN'T make them unfortunately.
JMHO, PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
