My biggest battle is to keep myself from falling victim to that demon that says "Do whatever they want, so they stop hurting you."
This is something I learned early in life growing up in an abused home. And I've turned it into my mantra. I don't say or do anything that could lead me to pain.
So when things get really hard with H then I immediately want to say whatever it he wants to hear so the pain will stop. The only problem is now that I'm finally able to say this hurts, I'm in pain, I've become the bad guy. All I want is to not hurt anymore.
This is pretty common from the married women I've known. They minimize their needs for their husband's wants and desires. And it's a hard thing to overcome. My wife is so paralyzed over hurting everyone in our family, she can't even THINK about what she needs in a rational sense.
But you need to figure out the minimum you need to thrive and survive. And then you need to pray for, and summon, the courage and strength to tell it to your husband; that for Doodi to be happy, she needs this. Either we figure a way for this to happen, or I'm going to leave.
