Where does the WAW go

[Doodi]

My biggest battle is to keep myself from falling victim to that demon that says "Do whatever they want, so they stop hurting you."

This is something I learned early in life growing up in an abused home. And I've turned it into my mantra. I don't say or do anything that could lead me to pain.

So when things get really hard with H then I immediately want to say whatever it he wants to hear so the pain will stop. The only problem is now that I'm finally able to say this hurts, I'm in pain, I've become the bad guy. All I want is to not hurt anymore.