Moved here from Piecing...

[AJM]

Hi Hope. No offense is intended or implied. What I'm trying to do is ask the question. I see from your posts that you "feel" like you have listened. That you "feel" like you have tried.

I'm not trying to make you defensive. That's counterproductive. If this causes that, then perhaps I'm not getting my point across.

My point is this:
I don't know you. That's true. I don't know all of your situation. I'm suggesting that perhaps your definition and his don't match up. Your perspective and his are vastly different. Your efforts to build trust might not match his expectations.

I do this because it seems you are not getting the results you would like to see and may need to change your approach.

So I point out the other side.

I am not trying to project other things. I am however familiar with my own experience and can relate to it. When I see similarities, I can point them out. If they are not helpful, then please disregard. I am not attacking you and have no intention of doing so. In fact, it is painful to try and relate like that. At least for me. To see that other side and to put myself (possibly) into his head.

To be clear: the drugs around your son? I agree that should not be tolerated even once. That is a separate issue from your relationship with your husband and may be a deal breaker for you. I would certainly understand if it was. If that's the reason you kick him to the curb, then so be it. The rest no longer matters, right?