There is something, a small part of this ...wound, that has never stopped bleeding. So it cant heal, yet. It's difficult to explain and bothers me a lot which I must confess is the reason I dont post much even when I do have time. I have come to the conclusion it is a personal thing. It is the most personal thing. After the first initial reactions to the bomb and then the A that are pretty must standard, the real healing and the time neeeded is very personal. And I am slow.
Coach, I dont know whose lawyer I should poretend I am. I am trying to defend my H so to give him some kind of excuse and to regain some of my repsect for him which I miss so terribly. I also KNOW why I feel this way, I feel totally normal and sane, I just cant handle the associated pain. My best friend complains I analyse too much everybody's perspective and feels that it is confusing. It was helpfull but now I think it stalls me.
I still, not often but still, want to run away and leave him, only to avoid the process.
Belief - I feel that way because______________________.
Consequence- Feeling that way way causes me to _________________.
Dispute -I would feel different if _____________________.
Energization- What do I need to do to accomplish that?______________________________________ - do it.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Just peeking in. I really don't know how I would feel if I had the true piecing experience...I do think that at times I would probably be overwhelmed with feelings of resentment and rejection (how could you have DONE this??-type feelings) as you have been.
You are miles past anywhere I traveled, so I don't have advice. But, I do have support and hugs. (((K)))
There is something, a small part of this ...wound, that has never stopped bleeding. So it cant heal, yet. It's difficult to explain and bothers me a lot which I must confess is the reason I dont post much even when I do have time. I have come to the conclusion it is a personal thing. It is the most personal thing. After the first initial reactions to the bomb and then the A that are pretty must standard, the real healing and the time neeeded is very personal. And I am slow.
Hi K,
I feel the same way. I guess I am slow too.
Hang in there and I will also.
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
I am very slow too. I don't know if piecing makes the process faster or slower. Part of me thinks having the WAS back would make it better, but then I know I don't do well when I have contact with my XH (course, he's usually still with OW, so that's definitely part of the reason it irks me).
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Hey K.. my sitch has been easier than some, but I still have to swallow feelings, daily even, becuase I still feel anger, resentment and .. jealousy (something I never felt before in my life). It doesnt matter how loving and recommitted they are, we went through the agony of knowing our partners were choosing to lie alongside someone else each night. I agree that in your case, you read and saw too much and have unfortunately given yourself all the gory details. Curiosity killed the cat!
I still have those 2 photos imprinted on my brain.. of her in bed, tousled, smirking, post ML. It kills me to think about it and I know you saw worse.. you showed me a pic that was worse (although your H looked uncomfortable I swear!).
I think you will 'forget' one day, enough for it not to be so painful, you just need to let some more time go by, equivalent to the amount of damaging images YOU saw, for the memories to fade a little. Give yourself a break, you did a tremendous thing, you took a man back after not just an A, but an absence from the home and your lives.
hugs, as always.. miss you! xxx
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
Wow, I thought I was the only one here that had found photos of the affair......
Kalni,
Yes the past does creep up on ya now and then BUT.. Ya the OM was with my wife almost 3 years ago. SHE IS WITH ME NOW... I win he lost. I am still working on the trust issue... But the way I see it is that you and I need to work on ourselves now. We DBed... We grew...Now the only way the memories of the past can hurt us is if WE let them.
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
"my sitch has been easier than some, but I still have to swallow feelings, daily even, becuase I still feel anger, resentment and .. jealousy (something I never felt before in my life)."
If you want an intimate, honest, open R, why would you consistently hide yourself from your spouse and lie to him on a daily basis?
Yeah, I found their secret email account Dr. Love and saved were pics and emails of 2 years. Pics in bed , on vacation when he was supposed to be on a work trip, her in Paris with him carrying bags with clothes for our clothes etc etc... Too much but thankfully I also found emails with her complaining and asking why he couldnt move in with her, why he didnt even see her but would only call her once in the morning and once at night even when he was living on his own, a year after he moved out. So I found out things I wished werent true but also witnessed the whole process of their love dying...
I dont hide my feelings oldtimer. I am just trying to control them not to affect every single moment of our current life.
