Where does the WAW go

[Doodi]

Tough question. I'm always overanalyzing my wife's actions, trying to determine if she's "trying."

My H over-analyzes alot too. There have been conversations where I don't get to say a word. He will have an entire argument with himself and what he THINKS I would say or do.

I can't read her mind, just her actions. When she's involved with me, when she's asking about me and my day, I feel she's involved and trying. When she's talking about someone else who's just a peripheral person in both our lives, I know she's trying to fill a quiet moment with idle chatter. I don't see her talking about our sitch to anyone important to her, no journaling, no reading books on improving relationships, just living with me while going to MC.

Like I said to Ris, he knows I'm journaling, reading, going to IC and MC. I've also stepped out of my box and gone on dates with him. I've held his hand when we were walking around. I feel like I'm doing alot, but it's not enough.

I think the problem is that your H gave you an ultimatum. And you let him box you in.

EXACTLY! Now can you tell me how NOT to get stuffed in that box?

When my anxiety and fear hits a fever pitch (as it does to your H) I quiet myself by saying that she hasn't left, that she's going to MC, that she hasn't seen a L, and isn't even talking about leaving.

Now that may be pretending. Or ignoring harsh reality. But she's told me she wants to work on our M. That's she's patient, and that I need to be patient.

I don't think it's pretending. I know for me the things that you mentioned speak volumes about your wife's feelings. I just can't get my H to look at those things as positives.

I think that one of you needs to make the tough choice to stay or leave. Staying doesn't mean being welded together; it means that while you're staying in the house, you're working on yourself and the marriage. If you can't do that, take the hard step to move out so you can find the space and strength to do as much healing and self-revelation as you can. [/quote]

That's where I thought we were. I felt like I was starting to see the light in the fog. Now it's pitch black again, I feel like I'm back to square one.

Doodi