Not sure where to start or end, WAW - #2

[john28]

John,

I've been thinking about mood swings lately, and why both you and I seem to go through them so much.

Deep down, I've felt neglected by my wife; that I've sacrificed things for her to make her happy, but that for many years she hasn't made me feel special or important to her. And now that she's the WAS, it seems like I have to be the one to focus/concentrate on treating her well, making her happy, so on.

And that's the problem. I'm still looking for her to make me feel special and important to her; when clearly she doesn't feel that way. So I go through the week, with my frustration building up, expecting her to give me something that she can't.

Does this ring a bell?

DING DING DING. We have a winner!

Yes, I see that. I feel so unloved for so long, and now I'm having to do all this hard work? And she doesn't want to stay? What! But if I know that I hurt her and I'm trying to fix it, and she knows that she hurt me - why isn't she trying to fix it?

It's a one way road to despair, my friend.

That's why detaching is easier I think, and that's why everyone here advises us to do so from a WAW. Because they know trying and fighting *might* win some favor with the WAW, but it will cause more despair and pain than you are willing to put up with.