My counselor said the same gist to my W when she said she shouldn't have had to ask me for things.
Wow really?!
Can I share one more thing in case it helps? Another reason I'd be scared to ask my H to help or support me in ways I needed, was because he simply had never had done it that way before. So I thought - well that must mean if I asked him for that, I was essentially asking him to be someone he wasn't. I figured it would be disrespecting him to do so - that I'd be asking him to be someone he's not.
So it went unasked; and therefore unanswered (until my IC clued me in of course).
Yep! My wife thinks I'm a shy introvert who can't socialize in a large group. This is largely based on one H.S. reunion thing in her small town where I didn't know anyone, and they were all pretty insular.
She's held this notion about me for 12 years, and because of it either avoided social events or felt she needed to babysit me at these events.
When I tell my friends and coworkers this, to say they're surprised is an understatement. I get along with most of my coworkers, make friends at new places easily, and am at ease with myself.
But confirmation bias is a bitch. All you see is what reinforces your preconceived notions.
And expecting the WAS to see (much less believe) in anything else is not realistic. My wife sees my changes, but when push comes to shove, she remembers that event from 12 years ago...
But confirmation bias is a bitch. All you see is what reinforces your preconceived notions.
Oooh... this term is a good one. We're all suceptible, many of our core beliefs are reinforced by it, and it prevents us from ever "seeing things clearly".
Worthy of noteable mention in the "perception" thread.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
I know today sucks, but you are going to be ok. You have faced WAY worse than today, and you're still standing. It sucks, and it sucks that it sucks. that statement might not be clear, but I think you know what I mean.
BTW, I miss the sandwiches too. It was actually one of the few areas that she has said we were totally compatible in. To go straight from the smorgasboard to the starvation diet has been pretty rough.
Dude, I'm jealous about Amsterdam. Don't get in too much trouble. If you find a nice, free sandwich all the better.
Damn. All this talk about sandwiches is making me hungry.
ADAPT. OVERCOME. IMPROVISE. -Tom Highway
Me: 43 W: 40 S12 & S9 Married 17yrs Together 20yrs
But confirmation bias is a bitch. All you see is what reinforces your preconceived notions.
Oooh... this term is a good one. We're all suceptible, many of our core beliefs are reinforced by it, and it prevents us from ever "seeing things clearly".
Worthy of noteable mention in the "perception" thread.
That's very insightful PH. I haven't heard that term before, but it makes SO much sense.
Accept that there is only one thing you can change in life and that is you
I know today sucks, but you are going to be ok. You have faced WAY worse than today, and you're still standing. It sucks, and it sucks that it sucks. that statement might not be clear, but I think you know what I mean.
BTW, I miss the sandwiches too. It was actually one of the few areas that she has said we were totally compatible in. To go straight from the smorgasboard to the starvation diet has been pretty rough.
Dude, I'm jealous about Amsterdam. Don't get in too much trouble. If you find a nice, free sandwich all the better.
Damn. All this talk about sandwiches is making me hungry.
This is an area I THOUGHT we were compatible in, but over time I guess I wanted A LOT more sandwiches than she did, although she seemed to enjoy it after she ate one! The starvation diet IS a killer.
There is no such thing as a free sandwich. I thought they were free, but, in fact, these are probably the most expensive sandwiches we have ever eaten!
When in Amsterdam do you get a dagwood sandwich, or just a piece of lettuce on the bread?
I had a roast beef sandwich for lunch. A real one...
Ironically, I've had more sandwiches in the last 3 weeks than in the previous three months. Somehow my appetite has grown exponentially as my weight has dropped.
I stopped by my old neighbor's garage (we always hang in the garage) for a couple hours again last nite for a few beers and a cigar. Then I went to my new neighbor's house to watch the rest of the football game. My RB, Pierre Thomas scored a TD, so that was great.
I'm doing much better today. Not sure what got into me yesterday, but I am continuing to move forward. Can't get my mind off of the sex thing lately though.
I had a roast beef sandwich for lunch. A real one...
Ironically, I've had more sandwiches in the last 3 weeks than in the previous three months. Somehow my appetite has grown exponentially as my weight has dropped.
I hear you. Not eating any sandwiches sure makes me feel heavy and full at times.
