((((Doodi)))) I'm sorry, it sounds like a really dark place.
What you say seems A LOT like what my H goes through. He has depression tendencies and low esteem issues. If you wouldn't mind explaining what you mean that you get side swiped?
With us, it's like we both start opening up and suddenly it goes into an overload and gets "too good" and everything goes plummeting down. He just turns upside down. Some times I feel like no matter what I say, we'll still end up in a fight.
I know I'm useless at cheering people up, but I hope you bounce back from the depression soon. You're doing so well at working on yourself and trying to straighten your issues out and your help to others here is invaluable. Hugs again!
Accept that there is only one thing you can change in life and that is you
