Last weekend I was cleaning up the pantry before my W returned from her vacation and found my mojo. It was right there where I had put it - next to my half finished light saber. I was just so busy trying to fix my R that I completely forgot where I had left it.
So I took it, dusted it off and it started glowing. Suddenly I found peace with myself.
The emotional ups and downs seem to be leveling off and I can be the person I was made to be when sky was blue and the Sun was shining.
So I decided to keep my mojo near me and feed it constantly. I know I need it to move forward. If my W will notice, she will follow me. If not, someone else will do that.
Susan is right! You are having the same problem thay I am having we have to let our W go and stop doing things to get a reaction. I am telling you this to reinforce it for me!
Spoke to W today regarding some logistics about Friday and traveling to Retrouvaille. I kept thinking - why would she plan on taking a separate car if she was committed to this weekend? Why would she want to be able to leave at anytime? Does she plan on just leaving anyways after she gets there so she can say "I tried, there was nothing more I could do".
So instead of wondering all that crap and mindreading, I just asked her, "Do you just plan on or are thinking of leaving after you get there? Are you going with a negative attitude to start with?"
I figured if she said yes to either of those, I was calling Retro off - it just wouldn't be worth MY time or effort. She answered that she wasn't planning on leaving early and although she didn't like that she was going and felt pressured to go by me that she was still going to go in there as open as she could, but it was tough going in there FULLY open since she felt pressured. She just wanted options in case this turned into a blame game and she was made to feel bad or I treated her badly, she didn't want to have to deal with it for the entire weekend.
For once, I think she was honest with me.
She then asked if I had called a mutual friend and his fiance that lives in that area to see if they wanted to see us sometime Friday. I told her that I had but he couldn't make it since he had some family in town. She seemed a little bummed.
Toward the end of the conversation she mentioned the other day and my severe panic attack and how she was angry about it. Angry about the things that I said during it (blame). I told her that wasn't me that day, it was someone else. She agreed that she knew it wasn't me that day, but said that it was still scary. I validated.
----"Et tu, Brute?"---- me:28 W:24 S4 T:6 M:4 EA Exposed: 5/21/10 Bomb: 6/20/10 (Father's Day) NC w/ OM: 7/10/10 W moved out 8/21/10 http://bit.ly/aOrZne - My sitch
Even if your W chooses to leave the weekend I doubt it will be a waste of time for you. From all that I have read about Retro weekends there is much to be gained individually.
Funny how your W is worried *you* will treat her poorly during the weekend when she is the one looking for an escape vehicle before it starts, lol! That is rather poor IMO!
she mentioned the other day and my severe panic attack and how she was angry about it.Angry about the things that I said during it (blame). I told her that wasn't me that day, it was someone else. She agreed that she knew it wasn't me that day, but said that it was still scary.
John,
Panic attack?
I picked these out from a list of possible causes:
Quote:
Short-term triggering causes — Significant personal loss, including an emotional attachment to a romantic partner, life transitions, significant life change, and as seen below, stimulants such as caffeine or nicotine, can act as triggers.[3] Maintaining causes — Avoidance of panic provoking situations or environments, anxious/negative self-talk ("what-if" thinking), mistaken beliefs ("these symptoms are harmful and/or dangerous"), withheld feelings, lack of assertiveness.[3] Lack of assertiveness — A growing body of evidence supports the idea that those that suffer from panic attacks engage in a passive style of communication or interactions with others. This communication style, while polite and respectful, is also characteristically un-assertive. This un-assertive way of communicating seems to contribute to panic attacks while being frequently present in those that are afflicted with panic attacks.[3]
Buddy, you have got to be in-control of YOU. This ain't nuthin'. In terms of the possible crap that life could throw at you that you would be forced to accept, this is a walk in the park.
You read all the stuff bolded on passive communication?
Quote:
I told her that wasn't me that day, it was someone else. She agreed that she knew it wasn't me that day,
Well, who the hell was it then? It sure wasn't me.
What does this even mean? Go back and read about passive communication.
Last edited by TimeHeals; 09/09/1005:00 PM.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
Funny how your W is worried *you* will treat her poorly during the weekend when she is the one looking for an escape vehicle before it starts, lol! That is rather poor IMO!
Precisely.
John, you go. If she decides to leave in the middle of it, that is HER choice. You are not MAKING her do anything. Free will, man.
I've been thinking about mood swings lately, and why both you and I seem to go through them so much.
Deep down, I've felt neglected by my wife; that I've sacrificed things for her to make her happy, but that for many years she hasn't made me feel special or important to her. And now that she's the WAS, it seems like I have to be the one to focus/concentrate on treating her well, making her happy, so on.
And that's the problem. I'm still looking for her to make me feel special and important to her; when clearly she doesn't feel that way. So I go through the week, with my frustration building up, expecting her to give me something that she can't.
